Ah yes, if you saw me or my FB posts this weekend you know I had a complete melt-down. For someone with a family history of mental instability and certifiable lunacy you must realize this is a real fear for me, that I will completely lose it and wind up a vacant-eyed medicated zombie rocking back and forth in a white padded room; Knowing that and realizing just how quickly I can snap makes it all the more frightening.
That being said, I lost it on Friday night when I got in late (10:30 at night) to the Faire site and found my tent space occupied and my tent was set up in not only the wrong location, but specifically in a place it couldn’t permanently stay.
Let’s back up to earlier in the week to find out why this is the proverbial camel’s back-breaking straw……<wavy lines for remembering>…
Work is currently crappy
I work for a government contractor, and the government has no budget and is threatening to furlough its employees, of which I count as one. Now, most of the time people get back-pay to make up for the no-pay they receive during the furlough – however, as a contractor I only get paid for hours I support, so I get no back pay. So here I am looking at the potential of an indefinite period of time where I’m receiving no pay.
Sure, everyone is saying it’s just posturing and that there will be a budget by Monday or Tuesday….that doesn’t allay my fears – sorry….speculation is just that and the continued instruction on how to do an “orderly shut-down” and fact that turning on my laptop would constitute a federal office does nothing to promote a sense of job security.
On top of that, on Thursday I get a visit from my boss. I mean my actual BOSS, not my middle manager…I never see anyone…I was told if I do my job well, everything’s fine, I won’t see them. So what did I do wrong? I get ushered into a meeting room…a closed door meeting, ugh. Turns out that while I am a CCPM specialist it’s stepping on the project planning toes of the other contractor here – they’ve been given an opportunity to submit a proposal by 31 May to take over the singular position…my position. I was told that I might get a job offer from them, but they are a VERY small company….something around 10 people, which means the benefits and wages are likely not comparable. So regardless of furlough I may be out of a job.
Personal Life is currently not stellar
Now, let’s take a look at my personal life….
I’m currently living in a house I’m trying to arrange to be able to short-sell. I’m supporting myself and two other adults as well as a college bound child, a dog I don’t want and three destructive cats.
It’s not as though I don’t get any help at home, it’s just so much on my shoulders.
Add to that I have started to try dating, which is an additional stress that I wonder “Why am I doing that to myself?”
Faire – My Fun-Time Hobby
So there I am, tired, late at night, all of that shit piled on top of me…..
I had previously arranged a spot for my tent; it had even been announced at the Guild meeting on Sunday of last weekend. I specifically had told my Guild Master that I wanted a guaranteed space before I brought my stuff out because the year I had my stuff evicted from the storage space in the top of the house I littered the Bell’s back yard with my crap….it was unfair to everyone including me, because I have a long haul from my home and I need to put my belongings somewhere.
So there I am bringing in my tent, cots, sleeping bags, pillows, guild dishes my dishes costumes, CreepyKid’s costume box a cooler, ice, medicine chest, bag after bag of OTC meds and food, books and make-up….along with WoodTurnerD’s equipment and tools – only to find out that I don’t have a space, I’m in my Household’s back yard, where I specifically stated I COULDN’T be, I can’t stake down and I can’t put my stuff away because it’s all going to have to move tomorrow.
*SNAP*
That was it…I’d had it…( I was so angry I was actually shaking with rage). I don’t ask for much and I seem to get even less. So frustrating…so instead of lighting the offending other tent on fire with the occupants inside OR randomly stabbing through the nylon with a large, yet painfully blunt cooking knife, I passive-aggressively growled and stomped every time I had to walk by the tent. I also cried all night long…I had no other choice…um…because the other choices involved murdering other-tent occupants.
So, a night of no sleep, very angry me….
Add to that the architect of the town telling me there was plenty of room behind the building for me where I was. I finally told him that I’d have my head of household work it with him because I was done. I also had to not speak to anyone I normally eat breakfast with because I would’ve taken off a head or two…and that’s not good because it’ll always come back to bite you. Instead I ate dry oatmeal in the back of my house.
WoodTurnerD re-staked the snow-fence that was marking the Guild’s back area with a public through-way and we reset the tent there. (I had been told there wasn’t enough fence to move or stretch, but apparently I was misinformed.)
By the time we opened I’d had some calming potables and set up my belongings out of the way…however I was at least an hour late onto the stage. Bummer.
I managed to make everyone involved feel badly…which wasn’t my intent, I just wanted that piece of my life to go smoothly….I didn’t think it was too much to ask for, but apparently I was wrong. The tent-occupant I found was Constable Bottom and his wife, he apologized profusely, and said he would move. I had to tell him the truth, the spot is now tainted and nothing anyone could do now would change what had already been done. Best to put it behind us now that it’s all settled…and then we had a drink on it.
So, I guess I mean to say that I eventually got my shit together. ;-)
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