The Mayonnaise Money-Shot

Standing in the food line, looking to help I was asked “Hey, wanna marry these mayonnaise?” Sure, why not…so I grab the two plastic, squeeze bottles in question.  Well, the best, fastest, most effective way I know to get to the bottom of a bottle’s contents is to seal it, hold it upside-down and swing that sucker in a circle (like you’re winding up for the pitch).

WELL….apparently I didn’t grab the bottle low enough, or the pop-up wasn’t raised as high as it has been, OR I grew since last week.  I start my swing and CLICK, I clip the aluminum pop-up frame, open the mayonnaise and SPLOOGE, an arc of mayonnaise!  I managed to get it on the ground, on Misty Flowers, William Hardigan and my favorite, the codpiece of a guy standing in line.  Yes…leave it to me to spray mayo on a guy’s codpiece.

I rush to clean up…it was late in the day…everyone needed a laugh.  Clean the codpiece, clean Misty’s black coat (It needs dry-cleaning) and clean up William’s clothes and chair.  Next thing I hear “What..you’re out of tomatoes?”

My beloved kitchen head Elsa yells “You just got a front seat to the mayonnaise show, so shut up!”

The Melting Pot

Dinner with the girls was planned for Saturday night, out of the three of us (ScaryGirl, TheCastleWitch and ToyKeeper’s Keeper), one couldn’t make it, but that’s alright, the idea is to see each other more often, so that’s what we will do!  I had made dinner reservations for five and never whittled it down, but that turned out to be a blessing!

It was predicted to be an hour and forty minute drive from the Faire site to the Torrance Melting Pot, that meant, no time to drop off CreepyKid, so to dinner she went!  That turned out to be about forty minutes too many…leaving time for a drink, which was very nice.

ScaryGirl showed up, we chatted, had a drink and waited for ToyKeeper’s Keeper…she brought along ToyKeeper!  So great to see everyone and I was glad I maintained the reservation.

We had the most sourpuss waiter, we told him we didn’t yet know what we wanted, but there he stood.  I made a crack to the busboy, the next time the waiter came by he was much friendlier.  I know it sucks working with the public, but we were honest…too many choices.  It was kinda’ funny too, vegetarians (no meat fondue), pregnant woman (is the cheese pasteurized) so I asked the table “Anyone lactose intolerant?”  We were jovial, laughing and enjoying company…I think our next trip out will be Farrells!

I didn't get home until after 10 and then couldn't fall asleep.  Luckily I made up for that by waking up early! :-/

Third Weekend of Faire (Pre-Faire Build)

Well, I’m pretty tired today, Monday, trying to recover from the weekend.  I didn’t sleep much, but that’s fine, no need for me to sleep, right?

I spent Friday night at home, washing my clothes for costume approval on Sunday.  I didn’t get to bed until later than I should’ve as I had to get up at 4:30AM to leave by 5:00.  I realize it’s only a 2 – 2.5 hr drive, but I often stop: grab a bite to eat on the road, stop in at the market for last-minute sunscreen or even a couple dozen doughnuts for the crew.

My clothes…well…the boning popped of the casing on my bodice, so I’m guessing this is its last year.  It turned out we didn’t do costume approval so I’m just a little unhappy, if I’d had the time I would’ve hand-washed it in my tub. Bummer.

Saturday we got to site to find the new fence, which blocked our normal barbeque area – no worries, we set up on the sidewalk just outside the fence, we are problem solvers!  The food line went well and I even managed to get in a class, a really good class “Shakespeare, and Insight.”  Had a really good time, but ditched out for the guild meeting – which was in progress when I arrived *blush.*  CreepyKid managed to get costume approval and all that she needs now is the sticker on her pass. 

Sunday, sleep deprived though I was (late evening the night before), CreepKid and I dragged ourselves to Porto and bought birthday cupcakes (in celebration of her 17^th).  I worked the food line, did NOT get to take classes and was told that next weekend, being the last weekend, we’d be painting, decorating, feeding the hungry AND getting costume approval.  Nothing like waiting ‘til the Nth hour.

Sunday night I didn’t get home until about 8:30.  I ended up running a few errands for BuffiMom and myself.  I went to Michael’s for wig flowers and artificial birds, their yarn selection was craptacular; then to JoAnn’s for yarn, dye and apparently more flowers; finally PetsMart for BuffiMom’s starving dogs…I even got a picture, big eyed dogs with “feed me” on their lips.  Honestly, they live better than *I* do! ;-)  It was the fastest shopping run you’ve ever seen – 10 minutes to closing I got litter, wet and dry cat food and dry dog food. Whew!  All the while I had my name tag from The Bell on, Lynda (Edith Coxgoode)…no wonder everyone was smiling!

2nd Weekend at Faire (PreFaire Build)

Saturday was pretty benign; I took no classes but did help with lunch.  CreepyKid came and left with WoodTurnerD as her guild wouldn’t be around on Sunday.  I’m surprised they came at all, but classes need to be taken.

Sunday, however, rained and rained and rained.  Classes had been cancelled the day before so only a few guilds were out; lunch was made for the small group of St Ivesians who were there and we hung out until about 2:00 when it was all water proofed and buttoned up.

Most of the buildings are complete – roofs on them and ready for painting and decorating.  We’ve got some new buildings this year, not sure what that will mean in terms of getting porches or what – I guess that knowledge will come with time.

All I know is that we’re totally hard-core!  Rock on Guild!!  Oh, and yeah…I might be getting a cold. :-/

First Weekend at Faire (Pre-Faire Build)

First things first, I really enjoyed seeing everyone, I miss people when I don’t see them but once a year.  I try to think of it like a real season, Friend Season, when all the friends are readily available, when humor, smiles and camaraderie come cheaply.

I slung hash on Saturday and Sunday – I was far less help Sunday than on Saturday.  Burgers are still going well, but CHILI burgers are wonderful when it’s cool out – which it was, slightly…a little….well, we were in the sun…not me though, I managed to stay in the shade.  BTW – just so you know Fructise is only SPF 28 so I won’t be using that again [reaches for the trusty 100+SPF].

I took a class, which was decent and made me run out and buy a book.  BIG YEA to Abebooks where I found the book plus shipping for a whopping $ 3.75.  I’m looking forward to taking other classes and stretching both my brain and withering muscles.

I was amazed, most of our buildings are up, a couple seemed nearly done and we’ll probably be mostly finished next weekend (I think)…so plenty of time for paint and décor, which is something people want to focus on this year.

I gotta get my clothes together, I’m worried about what my cats may have done over the course of the year to the stuff inside…and what the mice might have done to the stuff outside.  Good thing I was done with THAT wig last year.

This week, for next weekend, I’m making more snoods and washing the guild dishes I have.  I bet you’re riveted and can’t wait to see what I say about next weekend.

Why I Hate Talking on the Phone

For anyone who thinks I don’t like you because I don’t call, you are wrong.  If you were a guy and I didn’t call you, or worse, told you I’d rather slit my wrists than call – it’s not because I didn’t think you were fantastic…it’s that f-ing phone.

For one thing, I already interrupt people when they talk, but the phone makes it so much worse.  Are you done talking? Are you taking a dramatic pause? Have you died or need me to phone paramedics?  I rely on body language to help me gauge where I can come in during the conversation, with the phone I get no such luxury.  So I either will say nothing or railroad right over the top of you – which would you prefer?

Then there’s the lack of things to talk about.  If I’m texting with you we might quip but the span time of hours back and forth could be done in five minutes of conversation.  Do you want me to call, say what I have to say and then “BYE” click?  Probably not, I just don’t have all that much information to exchange.

And last but not least, nearly every job I’ve held has been via phone, see table below.  While my last job is way more meeting-riffic, I still do most of my work by phone and email.

Age	Job
16-19	Receptionist
18-25	Insurance Agent
25-27	Collections
27-28	Telemarketer
28-29	Call center clerk/agent
29-31	Secretary
31-present	Project Mgt Support

Why am I not sick of emails, texting and chatting on line?  Because it doesn’t give me cauliflower ear and I can say “brb” instead and you can do other things while you wait.

In conclusion, it’s not you, it me….and my dislike of the phone.  Sorry, it’s not likely to change, but if I call you can A) Be amazed I know how to use the phone and B) Look forward to a boring and likely short conversation.