Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Mayonnaise Money-Shot

Standing in the food line, looking to help I was asked “Hey, wanna marry these mayonnaise?” Sure, why not…so I grab the two plastic, squeeze bottles in question.  Well, the best, fastest, most effective way I know to get to the bottom of a bottle’s contents is to seal it, hold it upside-down and swing that sucker in a circle (like you’re winding up for the pitch).

WELL….apparently I didn’t grab the bottle low enough, or the pop-up wasn’t raised as high as it has been, OR I grew since last week.  I start my swing and CLICK, I clip the aluminum pop-up frame, open the mayonnaise and SPLOOGE, an arc of mayonnaise!  I managed to get it on the ground, on Misty Flowers, William Hardigan and my favorite, the codpiece of a guy standing in line.  Yes…leave it to me to spray mayo on a guy’s codpiece.

I rush to clean up…it was late in the day…everyone needed a laugh.  Clean the codpiece, clean Misty’s black coat (It needs dry-cleaning) and clean up William’s clothes and chair.  Next thing I hear “What..you’re out of tomatoes?”

My beloved kitchen head Elsa yells “You just got a front seat to the mayonnaise show, so shut up!”

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