I really want to learn how to throw a good punch, the kind that might break my hand, but in a very satisfying, oh-my-God-I-can’t-believe-he’s-out-cold, kinda’ way. I’m not going to get into the “you know that’s assault” talk, because if I throw a punch you can damn well bet that I need to do it, hang the consequences…besides CreepyKid is very nearly an adult.
I learned pacifism from my father, it’s served me well, I am generally likeable and can usually talk my way out of a sticky situation. It’s due to him I have my spin-doctoring skills and have never needed to know how to throw a punch.
I learned passive-aggression from CreepyMom and AuntMom, they are the queens of this with heavy usage of guilt. As a result I have created a resistance to guilt, even Jewish guilt which is the strongest! This has also served me well and I have ninja like skill with guilt and teasing.
Coupled the guilt and the verbal skills have created the one-two punch of persuasion, which makes me a very dangerous, silver-tongued combatant, as long as we’re word sparring. I am not in the best of practice, but with just a little my skill is honed.
However, I would like to be able to defend my own honor with a nice jab to the eye socket. This is where my Uncle comes in, he taught his kids how to protect themselves with both offensive and defensive maneuvers – this is what I want. I can’t think of a better present than to be able to protect and defend myself with my favorite move, which is a strike of forehead against nose…this is all I have in my arsenal and I can thank my Grandfather for it…my strong Irish skull.
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