Creepy's Crypt

Movin’ on Up…to the East Side!

2012-02-23T10:52:00.002-08:00

Spent quite a bit of time recently moving from the lovely wasteland that is California City, CA to Palmdale, CA. To most folks, this wouldn’t seem like much of an improvement, but if you look at the amount of time I spend driving to L.A. and O.C. then you would realize it puts me an hour closer to most everywhere I go. Yes, Palmdale is NOT the San Fernando Valley, my ultimate desired destination, but it’s a step in the right direction. I *am* living on the East Side of Palmdale, aka the wrong side of the tracks, but I’ve spent most of my life that way either figuratively or literally, so it’s not that big a change.

It’s quite a bit of a downgrade in space, I must admit – from a four bedroom with two car garage to a two bedroom condo is a bit of a change. I had to jettison quite a bit of “stuff” and get a storage unit for the things that didn’t fit – like my couch and my daughter’s bedroom furniture.

After several weeks of boxes traveling over by the car load, and then the moving truck for big things, I’ve finally gotten everything I now own out of my old place. I dropped my keys off for the Realtor and we both are hoping for a swift sale on this place.

I had a garage sale, during which I showed the house to three separate families, two were brought over by the RE Agent who’s been such a….well, I can’t print here what she’s been, but I will say she’s the one who told me to set the whole short sale up myself and then call her when I was ready. That put be behind the curve by at least nine months as I was struggling with my mortgage company. Additionally I’ve heard her badmouth the layout of the house and outright lie to her clients.

The third family was an unsuspecting shopper at my garage sale. I yanked her off the street to give her a tour of the house. She said she liked it but it was out of her price range, I told her that the worst she could be told is “no” so go ahead and have RE Agent call my RE Agent. I really liked this gal and wondered why it is I couldn’t have made friends BEFORE I left town. :-/

Anyway, garage sale was enough to pay for itself plus my moving truck (if you want to view it that way.) What I didn’t sell was picked up by a local charity and left me devoid of excess stuff. Between that and my three dumpster loads of miscellaneous household trash I was able to clean out the house.

Now that I’m done moving, though, I’m not sure what my exercise regime will be – hauling boxes upstairs daily has firmed up my butt….guess I’m just going to have to have a set of dumbbells I cart up and down the stairs a dozen times daily…that should keep that saggy old thing off the ground!

Trip to Pt. Mugu

2012-01-30T10:26:00.001-08:00

Right after I got back from Kentucky, I hurriedly got my act together to go to a camping trip to Pt. Mugu. Work has had me stressed out and I really needed a vacation that was full of nothing but relaxing.

Left for the beach on Friday morning, returned Monday and in between did little but walk the beach, listen to the surf, eat, drink and sleep in as late as I wanted. Nice.

I read a little, crocheted a little and watched some T.V. – yeah, this wasn’t “camping” this was RV-ing.

I did come back relaxed, happier, people at work noticed I wasn’t such a raging bitch. Awesome.

KY….The State, Not the Jelly

2012-01-30T10:17:00.000-08:00

I had a great time on my trip to Louisville! I haven’t seen my friend Heather in years and this was a chance to catch up, visiting and having a good time. Usually these entries are really long, but I decided I’d just give you a list of highlights…bet you WANT to know the details when I’m done.

· Made all of my flights, with all of my baggage, with plenty of time to spare *whew*

· Watched a “drunk black woman sing songs written by high white men”

· Toured a bourbon distillery – tasting followed

· Unsuccessfully hung shelves well

· Successfully hung shelves mediocrely!

· Wrestled potato soup from a very determined cat

· Stayed up late to eat pie and drink beer

· Got a blacksmith demo at a working, modern forge

· Spent time in a museum entirely devoted to whiskey history

· Watched a restaurant manager get schooled on the rules for assistance animals

· Bought more shoes than Imelda Marcos

· Watched a heavy snow fall, it was cold enough to freeze the fountain at the complex

· Went to Indiana for a minute

· Best of all: Spent time with a good friend that I’ve not seen in far too long

For the record, everyone was very polite and helpful and the state was beautiful

2012-01-10T14:17:00.001-08:00

While this year has started with an epic plague on my face to include two cold sores in immediate succession, it is balanced by my two planned trips, one to Louisville, KY to visit a good friend of mine and a camping trip to Pt. Magu.

I won’t be able to visit CreepyKid for two weeks, but I am moving closer to her…February 1^st is my official move-in date.

It’s starting out as a year of balance, maybe I’ll even be able to tip the scales in my favor.

Year End Recap

2012-01-03T10:37:00.000-08:00

I grew yet another year older….and while marching toward the inevitable infinite I managed to:

· Take CreepyKid to college, LMU in Los Angeles

· Help Cousin H take care of her business

· Go on some interesting dates

· Finish up with another year of Faire

· Miss out on haunting the ToyKeeper’s Lair

· Spent time with family and friends

So, a pretty good year all the way ‘round, don’t you think?

How Have I Hurt Myself….Recently

2011-09-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

So, I have an innate ability to injure myself; never anything major, just irritations, but discomfort none the less.

I have been losing the toenail from my left big toe. Of course it started innocently enough, the toenail, being too long and with enough pressure over time broke at the base and was lifting off the toe. After catching it on a number of things I decided to clip it at a right angle, only removing the nail that was ready to go. I compared it to a snail having its shell removed, but it’s more like a hermit crab looking for a new shell.

Last Thursday saw me in a meeting that was excruciating…they didn’t want my input, they wouldn’t let me leave and I couldn’t use my computer. I decided it was a good time to pull off the rest of the toenail. Yes, it’s “cutting” behavior…I know, I know…I don’t need a lecture. The toenail wasn’t ready to come off so the skin beneath was raw meat. It wasn’t even the entire nail and I ended up clipping the last loose bit.

Over the weekend my leftover nail kept poking into the sore flesh…poking….poking…poking. I decided the remainder of the nail had to go. After a soak in a bath and a bit of teasing I was able to remove all but the tiniest sliver. The meat below was even more raw after being pressed into all day long.

I was doing alright though…until I caught poor Mr. Toe on the hood release lever inside my car – I screamed (just like a girl!), it bled and I hobbled into the house. I soaked it, dressed it and hoped for the best.

On Sunday I went to visit CreepyKid, in an effort to NOT catch my toe again I was careful about my feet but didn’t pay attention to my head. Oh yeah…you guessed it, I hit my right eat on the doorjamb of my car. I hit it so hard I knocked the stone from the front of my earring and popped the back from the back. My ear bled and is still sore.

Yep…I’m just waiting for the insults to go with these injuries.

Weekend Recap - August 27th….part 2

2011-09-13T15:14:00.000-07:00

I was up at the crack-of-ever-lovin’-dawn Saturday. I slathered on a pound of make-up (in an attempt to provide my photo shoot what they wanted – arrive fully done in hair and make-up), was dressed, hair “done,” ate a piece of cheese and hit the road, closely tailing my fearless leaders as I am not at all familiar with Orange County.

We started by unloading the decorating stuff from the car, bolts of fabric, tools and spools of ribbon issued forth from the trunk of the car. Off to the court yard, time to decorate…time to get it out there…time for a mimosa….alright, that last part didn’t happen, but I have to say it felt wrong to be up that early, with those people and NOT have a drink. I digress…..

The gazebo was decorated, the chairs were decorated, we added finishing touches (keep adding more until you run out of time), and all the while it was growing steadily hotter…hotter…my face was melting off. :-/

Luckily we moved to the reception area…air-conditioning…(no pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater... than central air)…and off to decorate tables and put together a candy bar. Luckily we grabbed some food, I was shaking really bad by then…and wielding very sharp scissors. So, mason jars were be-ribboned and waiting to be filled with tea-lights; large jars were cleaned out and filled with candy, an empty bag waiting at each place-setting, the guests could fill with whatever confection was their delight.

I ended up getting down to the wedding just before they started the ceremony, which was good because there was but one door and I walked right out of it past the photographer/videographer and had to think “was the music playing?” and “am I a giant douche?” but luckily the music wasn’t playing…the jury is still out on the other question.

The wedding party was gorgeous, the day was beautiful and the ceremony was sweet and short and within minutes I was looking at the newly proclaimed man and wife…and I *will* have you know that even though my phone did ring…it didn’t go off during the crucial “if anyone has any reason…” part not sure the laughter that is my ringtone would’ve gone over well.

To finish I helped gather up the wedding gifts (left down by the ceremony) and whisk them to the reception area, help pull down the décor, pick up the leftover programs and then head up for a moment of water and visiting before I had to leave. Yup…no rest for the wicked…I left from the wedding straight to dance class.

Class was make-up tips for stage work and pictures. My costume bits that I had were not cooperating (but I was doing the best with what I had…got smack talked for wearing control-top hose (had forgotten to grab some hose before I drove down and they were stop-gap from the store) and the make-up lady said I was crispy - I shouldn’t use such drying make-up. However there were people there without hair and make-up and some un-costumed…so I didn’t feel like the worst person there – I always hate it when I feel like I’m hands-down the worst. I got out of there with the snaps taken and I’ve even seen one of them – it looks pretty good, the mark of a skillful photographer.

The following day was a birthday dinner with my other Head of Household, Madam Amy, and others from my guild…I was excited to sit, chat and have a good time with all of them. We went to a King’s Hawaiian restaurant, the food was good – the company was better.

Now, I had scheduled to take the entire next week off, however, my coworker was going to New York, so I changed my plans to only stay Monday. I visited with CreepyKid on Monday afternoon, the first day of classes done, how did you sleep, that kind of stuff. Plus, writing the list of other things she’s missing. She’s doing well…and will continue that trend.

I did go to Monday Night Tease with Sis, we managed to catch some dinner before hand AND get a seat at a table when we got to the club. The show was great, the hosts were spot-on and all of the dancers were entertaining – it was a really good time.

I drove directly to work Monday from Sis’ place, it wasn’t a bad drive; wished I’d had more sleep, but what can you do? It was to be a short week, Monday behind me, the off-Friday at the end of the week…but the three days in between….document writing…sequestered writing documents as a team. Hurray?

Weekend Recap - August 27th….part 1

2011-09-13T14:28:00.000-07:00

The weekend of the 27^th was a busy one, a wedding, a photo shoot for dance class and then a birthday dinner for one of my Heads of Household; all that after moving CreepyKid into her dorm on Friday, preceded by a trip to Disneyland on Thursday.

Moving CreepyKid in wasn’t too bad. I had planned on loading the car Wednesday night, driving down for Disneyland and moving then off to the wedding…now, what is that they say about best laid plans? Turns out the wedding stuff I was toting didn’t fit with CreepyKid’s stuff…there would be a round-trip in my future. Luckily we spent the night at my parents’ place so I didn’t have to do a multiple round trip in the same day. *whew*

Disneyland was fun, we met up with CreepyMom and AuntMom for a ride on Star Tours, but we spent most of the time alone. We ended up leaving early, so we could get a good night’s rest for the moving, but as it turned out neither one of us slept well.

Up early in the morning we got to LMU, only 15-20 minutes away (counting the slow speed limit on campus AND the walk to registration.) We stood in line 30 minutes only to be told “You’re in the wrong line.” SUCK…a trip to the OTHER dorm area and another 30 minutes…in the sun….waiting….we got CreepyKid squared away.

We borrowed one of their canvas “trucks” and moved all of her things into her room and returned the truck in 15 minutes. It was pretty quick. After meeting her roommate and her parents I was sitting around…helping tidy when I thought “WOW it’s getting late, I better get a move on….” I mentioned to CreepyKid since she wanted me back for dinner, I got up to hit the road…it was only 10:30AM. Yup..no sleep and so much activity my internal clock was all out of whack.

So I jump in my car and head home, stopping off at the store to get some missing items (laundry stuff, padlock, etc.), got there, loaded up and turned right back around. Yes, it is only a 2-2 ½ hour drive, but when you’re sitting in the car like that for so long it can become tiring….my back hurt….I’m old.

I was in time for unload the car for CreepyKid part 2 and then we went off for In&Out…yes, they were catering on campus, but the line was long…really long…and they were only taking cash. So, she and I ran to the In&Out by LAX…had dinner and I returned her in time for the compulsory brain-washing that evening.

I, on the other hand, filled up my gas tank once again and headed down to the OC, I was spending the night with my Head of Household, Madam Constance, and wanted to get there without being too late. I showed up, her hubby was getting the music together for the reception, she was having a drink…I had one too…and we sat, painted nails and talked about the day to come….I also got to take a shower…which was nice after all that heat and activity.

2011-09-12T14:14:00.001-07:00

Well hello there, I know, it’s been a while, but I know you wouldn’t be content with a single line posting that said something like “life’s really a whirlwind….”or putting a favorite link and calling it a day. So, what have I been up to? What do my weekend recaps look like? Well….let me spin you some fine stories [wavy flashback lines here].

BTW - Thank You Everyone

2011-08-22T14:19:00.001-07:00

Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday via phone, Facebook and even, *gasp,* in person.

My Birthday Weekend

2011-08-22T14:16:00.001-07:00

This weekend was both a bummer and quite fabulous. The bummer part, well, I was going to drive down on Thursday and hit downtown L.A. Friday – that didn’t happen. I was told I might have to come into work, so I stayed in town to see if I would get called. I ended up hanging out at home until about 11ish and then headed down.

I did manage to get CreepyKid to go clothes shopping, I don’t know what’s wrong with that girl; however, I must admit after three hours my patients wanes. Maybe we could do three, two-hour stints – but I can’t go for the three-hour plus marathons. BUT – she ended up with four pair of pants, a new set of under-things and a business casual outfit..she just needs shoes.

After that it was down to L.A. where I visited family and went out to dinner….Olive Garden, when you’re there you’re loud, well, at least we are.

Off to Sis’ place so I could get ready for class and be close to it. Sis had the morning off so we went to breakfast and she took me out to purchase some things for my costume. It wasn’t downtown L.A. but I DID find some things that were old-fashioned and so appropriate I was sure my teacher would lay the smack-down on them. However, at class she said it was her favorite brand. *SCORE*

Dance class was nerve wracking, but I managed to hit the points I wanted…get the OK for a slight costume color change and was told my dance skeleton was good. I did get pointers for a better order for the end of the routine…and then the command “get thee to youtube.”

I had a wonderful evening, went to the Cheesecake Factory ate dinner and read a book. Yes, I did have dinner alone…so what. I looked cute, read my book, ate whatever I wanted and stayed based on my desires…sounds fabulous, no?

I decided NOT to go to the reunion, it wasn’t worth the $$ for me to have a drink and hang out with folks I didn’t like 20 years ago. Oh, don’t get preachy…they didn’t like me first.

I did, however, sleep fitfully and miss the separate breakfast with people I did like, I was regretful for that, but brownies from Portos, a dozen birthday brownies to share, picked me up…as did the iced-coffee. I picked up CreepyKid and headed to the picnic that afternoon. Picnic was boring for me…there were too many classes meeting that day, I would’ve preferred a singular class…or the class on either side, but they went from the 70’s through the late 90’s…not what I wanted, really.

I did end up going to lunch with a couple I knew from HS…they’ve been together all this time – so cute. Their son was adorable, high energy for me, but I’m used to my low-key family.

Since lunch was late there was no family dinner, but I did get a brownie…and some lovely and thoughtful gifts. I took brownies to Sis’ place since she didn’t make it to the parents’ place, but she wasn’t home. Sad.

It was a long drive home and I fell asleep hard…it was a really long weekend. Luckily it's a short week this week.

2011-08-16T14:07:00.000-07:00

I was playing a computer game with CreepyKid last night, our conversation went something like this:

Me: Hey, now that we have this condom do you want to go back to the bar and have sex with that hooker?

CreepyKid: Sure!

WoodTurnerD: She probably forgot

CreepyKid: Oh no, I wouldn’t forget that.

Bridal Showers and True Blood

2011-08-10T12:54:00.000-07:00

Went to a bridal shower the weekend of the 30^th, a toy-party was included as part of the entertainment. I don’t know why I can’t keep my mouth shut about certain things…but it became the Elsa and Creepy show, one day I’ll learn…not sure when that day will come, but it will. Had a blast, was glad to see all my friends, and even noted that the bride-to-be seemed pretty composed.

Then it was off to House of Geek to crash a party and hang out….I drank too much, which always seems to happen when I go there. But it was a good time…so, no complaints, and I don’t get hung over, so it’s all good.

I spent the evening at Elsa’s house…went to brunch and had a nap…then dinner and watched TiVoed episodes of TrueBlood….man I miss my Dish. *sigh*

I didn’t get home until late that night AND had to get up early for work the next day, but it was well worth it.

2011-08-09T10:01:00.001-07:00

Sis: I don’t know what went wrong with my friend; I treated her just like I treat you and our cousins.

Me: So you flirted with her mercilessly?

ComiCon

2011-08-08T10:09:00.000-07:00

OK, a little late, but figured I owed a run-down.

It was a great time. Saw a number of panels (Mythbusters, Zombie panel for Dead Island, and a few others), but have a hard time thinking of them as anything other than infomercials for whatever product they’re stomping.

Stayed with the same person as I did last year, our guild’s potter – always friendly and inviting…and as she opened our home to all of us, a bit crazy.

The drive to and from wasn’t bad, the parking situation while catching the trolley – well, that was an issue. Qualcomm Stadium parking attendants on Friday told us it would be $15 to park every day, so I picked another parking area only to find that it was a tow zone. Luckily my car wasn’t towed or ticketed and then later found that Qualcomm wasn’t charging for their parking so we were able to park there the rest of the run.

On a crappy note, that night while on the trolley some guy decided he couldn’t just wait while we were stopped for 20 minutes. Yes, it was frustrating, but come on, you can’t behave? He started screaming and then shoved everyone in the trolley’s isle to disembark. All the yelling and shoving, CreepyKid got knocked to the floor and she was in a state of panic…crying, frightened…when I asked her later she said she assumed he had a gun and he was going to start shooting. Guess I did my job as a parent to frighten her into a stupor.

I didn’t see as many people I know as I thought I would…but then again, I spent less time on the floor and more in panels…and sitting down to eat – yup, I actually sprung for real food.

I ended up spending a little money at the Con, but managed to keep it reasonable. I did my shifts, I behaved, and hopefully will be able to do it next year.

This weekend….

2011-07-19T10:14:00.001-07:00

Well, Carmageddon was nothing; in fact, I’ve never seen the 405 freeway so swiftly moving on a Friday.

So, driving down on Friday night, getting to the Valley early, Cousin H and I went to eat at PF Changs, the Denny’s of Chinese food, so Sis says. We had a nice meal, managed to stay pretty quiet and had an awesome waiter.

Saturday saw us grabbing coffee at Starbucks so we could use their internet to get directions to our dance class that didn’t involve the freeway. Saw a wonderfully fun pale colored outfit in the window of a shop and had to run in and buy it. Lacy, frilly, pink and beige….so un-me. I wore it Saturday night and it was well received, I looked like I was going to a kid’s birthday party – fun. Back to Sis’ place for sitting around and getting ready, then off to dance…it was a long 2.5 hours. Two classes, Dancing in Character and then a belly dance class.

Dancing in Character, which ended our class by dancing the little routine as a zombie. Teacher, “Who knows what a zombie’s motivation is?” Me, “BRAINS!!!!” Yes, I said it fast and loud…I mean, when you know the answer, you just do.

The Belly Dance class was tough, she picked a slow, sexy song to dance to – while my moves (due to my ginormous ass) were complemented – I had a hard time moving so slow. My calves still hurt today.

Saturday night we went to House of Blues and watched The Devil’s Playground do a comic book themed burlesque show. It was a really fun show – however, it started late and ran late…it didn’t finish until 1:45, which screwed me because the metro stops running at midnight. :-/

When I mentioned this to Sis she said she had the same issue with another Devil’s Playground show she went to, it really was upsetting because she had work the next day. All I can say is, when you’re producing a show, it should start on time +/- 5 minutes. If your acts aren’t ready then you should shuffle them or have a few fillers, almost like an understudy set of dancers. However, I’m not a producer of anything but carbon dioxide, so I’ll just shut my mouth.

Sunday Cousin H and had had a nice brunch and went to the movies. Because she had no interest in Harry Potter we saw Bridesmaids. It was a funny enough movie, but it made me so uncomfortable for the main character I was squirming in my seat. I guess some of it cut too close to my own situations…or how I perceive them.

The drive home, also a freeway-based non-event, got us home around 10:30ish…we left late from Sis’ because we couldn’t stop bull-shitting.

However, I woke up Monday with the cold CreepyKid caught from visiting a day-care last week, so I’m going to have a fun time with it. Luckily it’s not killing me like the last one.

This week, looking forward to ComiCon (and time off work) and then only thinking about my High School reunion and then CreepyKid’s move in to her dorm. :-$

Why You Should Always Have a Drink to Take Pills….

2011-07-14T15:28:00.001-07:00

Otherwise entitled, something else gross and/or stupid I’ve done.

So there I was, trying to help out my poor addled brain by taking Ginseng. I’ve heard good things and so I was giving it a whirl. This particular brand was powdered ginseng in a vegan capsule.

It was early, I was driving CreepyKid to school on a weekend (she had games, bad events, etc.) and as I was driving home I decided to take my morning supplements. Looking ‘round the car, I had nothing to drink, no water, no coffee, not anything; I decided “I don’t REALLY need water to swallow pills...” and swallowed my ginseng…which immediately got stuck in my throat.

There I am, driving, swallowing, stroking my throat trying to urge the pills down; I figured “I’ve probably swallowed them down, it just feels like it’s stuck in my throat.” So I sat there, confident in my reasoning, driving home and thinking that I’ll have a giant glass of water when I get there.

Apparently I swallowed a bunch of air while trying to get the pills down, and I belched, a lovely, dusty, cloud of ginseng issued forth from my throat, coating the inside of my mouth and nose and dusting my steering wheel.

So children, what we’ve learned is….always wash down your pills with something…or avoid capsules filled with powder.

2011-07-12T12:02:00.001-07:00

This weekend was pretty good. After I covered from looking at my daughter’s college bill, I went down to the L.A. area for the weekend.

I took an old friend out to dinner, it was a nice meal and it was fun catching up. Had you asked me 20 years ago, would I be swapping health horror stories with friends of course I would’ve said no..or HELL NO…or something, but that’s what we ended up doing. Hilariously, the guy in the booth next to ours insisted in putting his two cents into our conversation…luckily I’ve trained for that all my life, thanks family, so I could roll with his punches. Then I said a few things he didn’t want to hear – I win.

Saturday, Cousin H and I took a 1920’s style dance moves class - now I can incorporate the Charleston into my routines with flare! I enjoy those classes, because I often wonder how bad I actually am, but I managed to keep up with the rest of the class…oh, and the exercise was great too.

Sunday Cousin H and I headed home, stopping at the grocery store to pick up a few odds n ends. We got home at a reasonable time, which is always good – I dislike Faire season when I roll up to the house at 11:00PM knowing that I have to go to work the next day. :-/

Yes, I Was Sick

2011-07-05T15:47:00.000-07:00

And let me tell you…that was the worst cold or flu or plague…whatever virus it was took me down.

Like most folks, not a big fan of being sick, but if I am, I’d rather a raging fever with vomiting and other horribleness for about 24-48 hours and then I’m done. I am not in favor of that nagging, tired, achy, dragging-on-for-weeks type of cold. I got a hybrid…FUN!

While I didn’t have to give up my stomach’s contents but the once, I had no real desire to eat or drink and when I did make the attempt my throat was so swollen hardly anything fit. I sent down some potato chips and French-fries, salty, jagged food that would teach both my virus AND my throat a lesson.

After completely flying off the handle at work on Wednesday – I still have a job, and while I’m not a big fan of my delivery, the content was 100% on the mark – I came home, hit the couch and that was all she wrote.

Not sure when I changed but I did…into pajamas, a-top, sweater and then under the cover of a shawl and several sheep-skins I sweated away sleeping for three days. I only emerged to take NyQuil, go to the bathroom and try to swallow some water.

Feverish and dizzy I was of little help to anyone in my house…luckily I live with self-sufficient people so I didn’t have to worry about it...in fact, I was fetched for and doted on, which was nice. Quick now…I need a chocolate shake…and to video stream Matlock, STAT!

Yes, on Saturday I tried to play some WoW…but all that sitting upright was too much for me…the physical exertion of clicking a mouse, and…and…yes…[violin music playing here] using my left hand on the keyboard…after a short time I retired to couch.

Sunday was better…though I couldn’t be upright for long, I did enjoy much longer bouts of consciousness.

Monday I was CURED! Well, not really, my throat still complained when I drank my pine-orange-banana-broken glass-rock salt juice but I persevered…and sent some rum down before to numb the area. I’ll show YOU throat.

Interestingly I was able to get better just long enough to get very little done before going to work the next day…so in that respect it was just like every other weekend.

meh

2011-06-28T13:14:00.001-07:00

Alright, I’m back in the swing of life after being on “vacation.” Let me tell you, college orientation is NOT a vacation. Too much information, too fast and all I can do is see $$...and wonder exactly who’s going to be responsible for my underage child while away at college.

This past weekend I was out and about. I enjoy being gone on the weekends just as much as I enjoy staying home on the weekend. I went to a baby shower and a “wedding reception” on Saturday and hung out with Sis on Sunday.

The baby shower was fun, I enjoyed the people there…usually I sit around and don’t talk to anyone. I made a baby blanket in Halloween colors (that’s how I know ToyKeeper and his wife) and wrapped within it clothes for each 3 month time frame for the baby. I managed to “win” one game (I was one of three) and I think that’s pretty good at my advanced age. I had to leave a bit early because I was headed to the OC for the wedding reception.

The reception was held at a British pub, and it was noisy and fun and full of people I knew. There was food I could eat and it would’ve only been better if I could’ve had a pint. I got to share my funny story about the outrage I felt when I logged on to FB and saw the Mr. was married to NOT MY FRIEND!!! But it turned out she had changed her name format, so he was saved from a killing by me.

Sunday I spent time with Sis, we hung out, chatted and had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. No, no Sheldon or Leonard – but the waiter had awesome curly hair (could’ve even been microdreds) pulled back into a bun-like thing.

It was a long-ish drive home, but I got there around 10, so it wasn’t too late an arrival.

This upcoming weekend, well, Thursday I’m going down to L.A. for a friend’s birthday, then to the OC for another birthday Saturday…then of course 4^th of July…probably at my cousin’s place. We’re also supposed to go gaming at Elsa’s place Friday night and a nose piercing for Cousin H. Whew…time to start imposing on friends and family. :-D

2011-06-21T10:27:00.001-07:00

So yes, I did get a vacation, which was well deserved after the grueling three days prior to it.

I went to Vegas, WoodTurnerD was going to a class anyway, so I jumped on his hotel room dime. I had a fun time, but realized it wasn’t nearly long enough and I must, must, MUST win the Lotto so I can be independently wealthy.

We drove out Sunday afternoon, we took the car with A/C and I crocheted all the way while listening to the story-telling styles of David Sedaris. Yeah, I like books on tape in the car, especially his – it reminds me of sitting around with my friends and family and shooting the breeze, swapping stories.

Sunday night we went to see Bite, which was pretty decent, they have aerialists that perform over part of the crowd – so that’s pretty cool and it was set to rock music, which was fabulous. Plus the set had a nude demon woman with a screaming face for a vajay-jay, and you just can’t beat that. Yes, I did get duped by the audience plants, a “really drunk guy” was pulled on stage….all I could think of was Faire and how dealing with drunk people is both perversely funny and difficult.

I had WoodTurnerD bring his PS3, so I was able to watch DVDs and BlueRay format disks in my room. I watched TrueBlood Season 1 with him and season 3 alone, because he’s not caught up. Although I can pretty well summarize things and I kind of act it out a bit because, well, I’m like that.

I did spend some time near the pool, minty mojito-like vodka drink in one hand, soda water in the other and in between a book. Kicking back in my Victorian style swim-suit and hiding under an umbrella, I managed to cook in the heat but stay out of the sun.

And yes, I did drop money into a machine, a whopping three dollars in video poker while I sat at the bar and listened to the only Mexican bartender I’ve heard of that doesn’t drink tequila and finishing up my book.

The book, yeah, I’m reading the Sookie Stackhouse books, they’re utter trashy entertainment, mind-candy, and I can tear through them quickly. I’m so used to reading for information, that I forget just how great it is reading for entertainment.

Drove home Wednesday night, I had to work Thursday, apparently I was missed. I managed to log-in occasionally from my hotel, but I only did a few hours of work while I was watching T.V. and sitting in bed in my P.J.s – I should always telecommute.

2011-06-16T14:42:00.000-07:00

Eye wuz on vaca-shun...four-got how to speel while i wuz a-weigh....check back l8tr 4 an upd8.

Thx

Can I Get Fries with that Shake?

2011-06-02T09:41:00.001-07:00

Many of you notice me shaking, not everyone does, or when you do it’s in conditions where you’re keeping an eye out on your friends’ health and you worry that I’m drinking too much or not eating at all. Well….

I’ve had tremors for years and years now, I first noticed when I was in my early 20’s. I complained once to my Father, who held up his hand and showed me his shaking too. It’s genetic.

Pressed by other family, I went to a doctor and he said “You seem fine, no Parkinson’s, no tumors, no imbalance to your strength…you’ve got a congenital shaking that is of little to no impact in your life – I wouldn’t worry about it, carry on.”

So, it’s genetic, it’s not of negative impact to my quality of life.

What happens though is….it becomes more pronounced the more weight I lose and I’ve lost between 30-40lbs in the last two years depending on whose scale you believe.

It also becomes pronounced if my blood sugar drops, just like anyone else who might shake, so if I don’t eat or if it’s hot and I’m burning calories like crazy, then I might shake as well.

So, congratulate me on my weight loss, if you’re really worried ask when I ate last or had some water…otherwise, “there’s no cause for alarm…a little surprise around every corner, but nothing dangerous.”

Faire Keeps You Young

2011-06-01T16:10:00.001-07:00

During a well-needed chat break last Saturday, it came to our attention that everyone in our little circle looked fairly well under our actual ages.

So, it’s very clear that Faire keeps you feeling young and looking young…or we’re all well pickled and so preserved.

Any way you slice it, it’s time for you to stay young and pick a guild and join the Faire!

RenFaire Weekend 7 – Final Weekend Part 2 of 2

2011-05-26T10:05:00.001-07:00

At the end of the end….the day was hectic starting out, due to ants of course.

Most of us got off to the All Cast meeting, which went long but cool things were done toward the end for the 50^th celebration next year.

Family came for the final day and it turns out our numbers were pretty high. The weather was good, people were happy and I was thinking “has it really been seven weekends already?”

I was really tired from a bad night’s sleep which included taking Nyquil too late in the evening – I wasn’t quite right all day.

The Puritans were wearing excuses on their backs as to why they weren’t Raptured – funny. When the whore-house left for Grand Ring Out it was remarked “THEM but not US??” So they milked that for all they could – go them.

At Grand Ring Out we did Cirque de Cloche (sp?) and went as a side show: The Bearded whore, the Contortionist whore, the Tattooed whore and don’t forget the Conjoined Twin whores (THAT costs extra!) It was a good time, lots of fun and I didn’t see any nudity…there were tons of notes about NO NUDITY. I guess we listen….sometimes.

We ended the day with household awards and clean up for next weekend’s tear down. I didn’t get into bed until 1:45, and not to sleep until after 2. Good thing I LOVE the Faire.

RenFaire Weekend 7 – Final Weekend Part 1 of 2

2011-05-23T16:17:00.001-07:00

Well, since this Saturday was the Rapture there was quite a bit of talk from those in the town. Figured that with the exception of the children we’d all still be behind and having a wonderful time come six of the clock. ;-) But I digress…

I took off work a bit early and though I didn’t carpool I was down there the earliest I have been since the start of the season, 8:30PM. The front gate was locked and so I had to walk the LONG way…which wasn’t all that long since I had a rolling cart and help; but sucked for those who had to hand carry in a bunch of stuff. However, I was so early I was able to enjoy sitting down and chatting with people before I went to bed. Which was nice because I like my Guildies, they’re good folks and good company.

I found out that our tavern owner’s daughter would be Queen on Saturday – which is fun, to see someone else give that part a whirl.

Misty showed up with several “Raptor” signs, my favorite “BEHOLD” with a raptor with a halo. She’s very creative.

At six of the clock there was the countdown to the Rapture, where we wished everyone a Happy Rapture and there were kisses all around.

I participated in the “bringing home the bacon” gig, of course as my whore-ish self. There’s been an on-going gig, based on an actual tradition, where newly married couples have to vouch that for the last year they’ve not had one harsh word between them – the winners got a flitch of bacon (yeah, that’s a whole bunch of meat.) Well, I was asked to come forward, for comedy’s sake, of course and I decided to bring a few Yeomen as my husbands…I mean, if none of us has had a harsh word we could win more than once, right? In fact, I ended up with more once I walked up there, I think the final count was five (I got weekends off).

Well, right before us a man was mobbed by his many wives, who apparently didn’t know about one another. Our group was more congenial, but Queenie dismissed us, but with charm, grace and a smile. It was great!

Lacey and I were walking around looking for the final gift for her RUB, we missed a fist fight, some people’s children, honestly, too much drink and too stupid people, but I’m sure in the end they got what they had coming to them.

It was Guild awards that night along with Guild Cup, a lovely tradition where we drink to the Guild, the Year, our loved ones past and present. I managed to win a Guild Award, a medallion – I was broken hearted two years ago when I lost my award, which was in pin form – it opened and fell off – this one I’m not so worried that will happen.

At the end of the day, we managed to leave all the snacks out, all the juice out, all the everything out and all the dishes unwashed – Sunday started out not as fun as it started with ants.

Ravelry, You Are Full Of Win

2011-05-20T15:51:00.000-07:00

I spent some time combing through the free crochet patterns on Ravelry and came away with some great patterns and great ideas.

While I’ve been crocheting for the better part of 25 years, I’m not the type to create something from nothing, but I can follow a pattern and can adjust a pattern or several to come up with something new. Case in point, I couldn’t find a mermaid pattern I made one by combining the pattern for a doll and a butterfly – voila, I know you can see it too.

Well, I was just perusing their patterns when I found the “menstrual cup cozy” which looks like a purse to me! I’m a fan of drawstring hand-bags (don’t ask why) but this is a lovely one that looks like a uterus with fallopian tube drawstrings.

As soon as I make one I’ll post a picture and the link…until then though...I’ll just leave you with this teaser…crochet tampon key-chains.

RenFaire Weekend 6

2011-05-19T15:27:00.000-07:00

Had a really good weekend, I managed to convince WoodTurnerD that we should carpool so I didn’t have to drive alone, I could text all the way down AND I could nap on the way home.

I was told that I was missed, and I must admit, I enjoy that - sometimes I wonder if people notice my presence or not (I know I'm hugged and love dwhile I'm there, but do I cross the minds of folks when I'm gone); but I was missed...especially when it was time to unbutton the house in the morning.

My favorite part of the weekend was when Biggins got really drunk and wandered around partially clad from the Bell. First no pants…then pants but hardly a shirt and then finally shirt with pants, but his shoes on the wrong feet passed out in front of the porch, only coming-to when it was his turn to join in, in song.

FIRST: I wish I didn’t have to say this, but of course I do…the ever-crafty M. Dumphy that portrays Biggins (as well as Brown and the Vicar) was not drinking…in fact, to quote a number of acting types I know, “You can’t be drunk and play drunk…not successfully.”

Second: I’m not sure what was better, watching his mind at work getting ready for his big entrance(s) or watching the people as they realized he was out and about in his drunken state.

Found that too much drinking led to too much talking on my part; in vino veritas, which apparently applies to more than just vino. Luckily I run off at the mouth anyway – so it’s not much different than any other day.

Yeah, Well...F U in the A....

2011-05-18T07:46:00.000-07:00

Funniest personal story of the night...

2011-05-11T16:33:00.000-07:00

At the Black Market I was shopping for corsets when ScaryGirl said “OMG Creepy, do you see who’s standing right across the way from us?”

I look up and say “Tappy from the Poxy Boggards?”

I hear a giggling next to me, “That’s my husband.”

ScaryGirl, “No, that’s Butch Patrick…you know, Eddie Munster.”

Me, “Oh, I can’t see through the crowd…besides, I’m in a Faire frame of mind.”

Post Bat’s Day Black Market

2011-05-10T16:32:00.000-07:00

There was a mad dash to clean up once the sales floor was closed. WoodTurnerD decided to stay the night since we had a spare bed and there was a definite lack of sleep on his part. We carted everything upstairs and then headed down for a meal.

The hotel restaurant was closed. <insert sad trombone music here> The bar, however, had 17 seconds left on the clock for taking orders. We ordered, we waited, we carried our food upstairs. My feet hurt so badly, I figured I’d be crippled in the morning, walking around on my misshapen hooves.

While we waited for our food, sadly slumped over the bar as we were tired, up comes the artist who was bartered with a hat. She said she couldn’t stop touching it, the grain of the wood appealed to her. I hope that means good things in the future for WoodTurnerD’s business.

We managed to drag CousinH away from her conversation to cart our food upstairs, get undressed, eat a meal and have a shower. I haven’t slept so hard in a very long time!

Bat’s Day Black Market

2011-05-09T16:15:00.000-07:00

So it was an early rise after a week of late nights to get to the hotel on time. The night before, CousinH had staged everything for carting to the car, we had our clothes, our food and hit the road. WoodTurnerD took a separate car as he was coming back that evening with his goods as well as “getting coffee” with someone from Faire before the vending began.

CousinH and I ran through the store in Lancaster picking up a few last minute things and headed to the hotel. The drive was uneventful, which was great since every time I have her in the car I manage to see (and avert) some horrible accident.

We got to the hotel and our room was ready, so we checked in, yes I got a room, I figured I might want a drink after the vending and didn’t want to be on the hook to drive anywhere. We started unpacking and waiting....and waiting. Apparently coffee took longer than anticipated, though WoodTurnerD left earlier than we did he arrived later.

There was enough time to set up the floor, take a quick shower, get dressed and get down there, just slightly not on time. Look, I’m a girl, it takes a bit longer for me and it was under an hour for all of that.

The table looked good, but was in a precarious predicament – though we paid for our space there was little to no easement with the person next to us and behind us…while I don’t mind sharing, some of the display was less than stable, so that changed over time. Also changing over time, was the décor that was to set off the merchandise, apparently in the 20 mins at the start 4 people asked about hats and 11 asked about a cheap pair of goggles that was there for Steampunk inspiration.

There was very little room behind the table so we each took turns walking around while leaving someone to man the fort. Since I wasn’t one of the artists I ended up taking the first walking shift which was to fetch lunch (Mexican) and drinks, later I made a quick coffee run – what can I say, us talentless hacks have to carry our weight in some way.

Many friends came by to visit the table, it was like we imported Faire right to us. I was thinking, “I’m sad, because I’m missing Faire today,” then all of a sudden there was Misty, the Fish Family and even some Boggards (who apparently must keep a yard’s distance between each other at all times.)

By the end of the evening I had bought a brand new outfit and an under-bust corset for CousinH. Trades were being made jewelry for dreadfalls and a hat for some artwork. No hats were sold, a few pieces of jewelry was, but a metric ass-ton of cards were distributed – I can only hope this means WoodTurnerD’s business will pick up.

2011-05-04T11:06:00.000-07:00

CreepyKid was playing WoW…she says “ewww” and turns to me. Mother, I just got this joke, I saved a girl from a watery death…and as she was hungry I brought her food. She asked for crabs (which are abundant on the shoreline)…she said “in my time of great need you gave me a case of crabs” and the quest reward was a “fine comb.”

I giggled…she rolled her eyes. Look, my fine parenting skills have allowed her to understand this humor. I win!

RenFaire Weekend 4

2011-05-03T11:02:00.000-07:00

I was able to carpool this weekend, which means I was able to sleep and text and otherwise do things I couldn’t do while driving. WoodTurnerD drove…and complained I wasn’t talking about anything…sorry…I thought we could carpool to save money and so I could snooze without fear of the inevitable crash into a railing. We ended up having to double back to the house to grab my garland…look, I couldn’t be the beautiful whore-of-the-May without my clam festooned garland, could I? No…“no” is the right answer to that question.

The evening ended with a tasty beverage (no tasty burger with that) and then off to bed. I remembered to bring AND take my meds, so that’s a good thing. I was still up late, but what are you going to do, I’m old and rising slowly…or perhaps draping myself with rabbit pelts is too decadent for me to resist and must stay in cot longer.

The morning began well…things were cleaned, the house was set and I put on my clothes. I was gifted a knit hat with a cock-rocket on it…so that was awesome. I managed to get to morning meeting, but I got dressed there and greeted people with my nipple hanging out of my bra…hey, look people, it’s a nipple…you’ve seen it…I’ve seen it…it looks funky when squishing out the top of my bra, but so what, you’re not going to be scarred for life, I promise.

I managed to get to a feeling good place and enjoy my day. I got my rub gift delivered and got a lovely gift myself, first thing in the morning, so I was able to enjoy it all weekend. The weekend’s weather was beautiful, for the guests anyway, I managed to look baked-on and cracking, but what can you do…nuthin’ that’s what.

I did put a sausage in my mouth…for comedy! I didn’t eat it, that would’ve been gross. ;-)

Cookie was out and ended up covered in peanut sauce and “caught on fire,” which was great because the bucket full of water gave her a rinse out from the sauce. When I asked why she was splooshed with sauce I was told, “oh, it was like your mayonnaise show.” Which means, someone loosened the lid to the sauce and a good shake ended up with sauce all over, I want to know how come I own the mayonnaise show…but I figure it’s something I can trademark for later. ;-) I noticed, after that, one of the coolers got caught in the crossfire, too funny.

I managed to share with several of the higher up managerial types that I currently have pink pubes. Well…I had to explain my “trailer twat” comment, didn’t I? Yes, my parents are so proud.

CreepyKid managed to get a drunk guy in her face, but then was rescued by her Well family – I can only imagine her 15 years from now saving little Violet Appleyard from a similar fate.

Sunday was a much quieter day…I ended up holding down the porch and just relegated myself to being a lump. I didn’t bring home dishes or linens as I won’t be at Faire next weekend so the trip to the car was a whole lot less daunting. I’m sure all will go well next weekend – I’m going to miss it, but I AM going to have spooky-spooky fun at Bat’s Day!

Why I Love My Life

2011-05-02T08:38:00.001-07:00

I was told the following movie quote reminded someone of me:

Col Mustard: “How many husbands have you had?”

Mrs White: “Mine or other women’s?”

I have a friend that was told “it puts the lotion on its skin…” reminded someone of her.

My quote is better…or at least less chilling…

Let's Play ANOTHER Fun Game

2011-04-28T13:24:00.000-07:00

This game is going to be much more fun than “What’s That Smell?” or “How Old Are These Leftovers?”

Today’s game is “what crawled into my trunk and ate the faces from my peeps?”

Bet YOU can’t wait to play.

Why I Need a Secretarial Job

2011-04-27T16:28:00.000-07:00

I know that there’s so much unemployment right now I should be grateful I have a job at all, but this particular job, process improvement with expertise in a very specific software suite, is so…um….challenging…yeah, that’s it. That being said, I’m tired of taking my considerable training and expertise and having it flung to the wayside in favor of the “we’ve always done business this way” sentiments. Always having done it, apparently wasn’t working well, which is why YOUR company decided to change. This was not an overnight decision, I know for a fact it was researched nearly a year before they decided to start the initiatives. So…I need a new job….the secretarial type because:

1) I type really fast and all I get are complaints here at work that I’m going too fast for people to watch what I’m doing. Sir, our limited meeting time is not intended for training. Please, arrange a time, off line, for training with me…I’ve got my thumb up my ass all day EXCEPT in this meeting.

2) I follow instructions that I’m given. Yes, I might come up with a faster way of doing something, but I’ll make sure to do it your way at least twice before deviating to get the SAME result.

3) I have a friendly phone voice, even when being stern screening phone calls. No one calls me here see thumb reference above.

4) I dress professionally, squirreled away in a cubicle, no one sees me…not even my boss.

5) I don’t find your non-work requests demeaning, meaning, yes, I will bring you coffee or water – I’ll even run errands for you (if you pay my POV mileage).

6) I don’t take offense to “off color” statements or jokes….please, I work at Faire in my off time.

If given this work environment I would very likely have my brain switch off, so I’m likely to need extra mental stimulation, but if I’ve done everything needed of me, I don’t see an issue working a crossword puzzle quietly while I remain at the ready.

Yeah…that type of job would give me a 2/3 pay cut, but man, at this point I’m almost ready to live in a box or surf people’s couches and good will if I could ditch this job.

RenFaire Weekend 3 part 2 of 2

2011-04-26T13:00:00.000-07:00

On Sunday we had a local game “Peep the peeps” or “Check-Out the Chicks” where we hid little chenille chickens in our guild yard for kids to spot. There was also an officially sanctioned, RenFaire Easter Bunny for the kids…very cool. And then, the egg hunt for the patrons.

The weather was great…for me…overcast and cool but still bright out. Between the weather and Easter I’m sure is why there didn’t seem to be that many people around.

I ended up opting for servant status on Sunday as there was no one left to fill the role…it was very different, I have to say…and fun for a change. Also fun were the people who didn’t recognize me without the face paint or those who didn’t realize I was someone different (those people are way more observant because I can be fooled by a different costume.)

It was a long couple of days with very little sleep…I ended up taking Monday off because I would’ve been nearly useless at the office.

What did I think was funniest this weekend? Well, I posted a “No Money, No Cunny” sign on the inside backdoor to the house, I stapled it up higher and I heard “No one will know you did that, because they’ll think you can’t reach.”

Also there was an argument about inserting something into a guy…it’s a long set up but ended up with me saying “not if I shove my fist up your pee-hole.” Which, it probably why I’m still single.

I had a super-extra moment of adorable when I saw the Tinker with his little boy at the 5:00 Boggards’ show…he was just clapping his hands and tapping his feet…occasionally head-banging…super cute. Reminds me…gotta’ get that full hysterectomy so I don’t “accidentally” end up with one of those based on a random moment of witnessed “cute.”

RenFaire Weekend 3 part 1 of 2

2011-04-26T12:54:00.000-07:00

This weekend was…hmmmm…interesting? WoodTurnerD couldn’t come out on Saturday as there was no one to watch the dog at home. CousinH had a dental appointment in L.A. and Mr. Dog cannot be left alone.

I arrived late-ish Friday night, after the horror of not being able to get to CreepyKid’s performance of “Promedy” at school.

I got turned around at the get of the military installation where she attends school because I didn’t have proof of insurance. Yes, you got that right, while I DO have insurance, I couldn’t find my proof of insurance. They “called it in” wherein my assumption would be that I have insurance therefore I may proceed. 15 minutes standing in the wind to be told “You have insurance….now go home and get proof of insurance, we can’t let you on without.” I was really unhappy because they could’ve just said that to begin with, but I’m sure they were looking to write a nice fat ticket or impound my car if I had no insurance. Luckily I buried my pissed-off-ed-ness under my veil of nice and got a bunch of apologies on my way out and back in.

That, meant, though, I missed the show and left 30 minutes later than I would’ve gotten to otherwise.

We stopped for groceries in Adelanto, which is nearly-like the half-way mark and I got to the site around 10:30. I was too tired to bring in all the stuff from my car and doubly pissed when I had to move my car lest it potentially be towed. >:-/ But, what are you going to do…

After a not-nearly-long-enough night’s sleep, I brought in my stuff, helped set up the stage and backstage, got partially dressed and was told to attend the all cast meeting under pain of death. So there I went…trudging along and sitting up front so I could hear…usually that meeting is full of stand-talkers so I can’t hear.

Apparently the company let go of the newly-hired-this-year costume designer. This is the person who is responsible for the look of all the people at the Faire. There was no reason given as to why or what went on to reach that decision. We were told that we could spread the word, but don’t spread rumors, which, I must admit, is easier to do when you know the whole story instead of leaving it open for speculation.

There was some heated discussion and all I wished was I could crawl in a hole when they were talking, or more precisely yelling. I’ve been on the receiving side of that type of venom and it always feels like a personal attack…and then when I don’t agree with the decision of the higher-ups it makes it worse…stuck in the middle, left alone to defend myself. Crappy. After THAT stellar a start the day was kinda’ shot…but I had a couple of shots and the day got better.

On a up note, though, I was able to distribute some of WoodTurnerD’s finished products to their owners…and that’s always nice. A cudgel and a wooden toy sword…adorable.

I Torture My Friends

2011-04-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

So, I have a friend that is very bothered by the concept of “The Human Centipede, ” I say “bothered by the concept” as she’s never watched the movie, just the trailer. When it is mentioned she gives a wonderful reaction…or over-reaction depending on how you look at it.

Because of this, out daily goal at Faire seems to be to mention it at least thrice daily.

In honor of her I made this flow chart.

Enjoy!

Be Careful What You Say…Or How You Say It

2011-04-21T13:19:00.001-07:00

So I was reading a small passage from a book describing one of the four girls Elizabeth Holland kept at her house. She was described as short and lusty…a wanton. However I pronounced it as “wonton.” It was early in the day…um…I had little sleep…uh…I don’t read aloud well?

I hear the following (in character voices):

“Wonton….I’m hungry”

“She was a wonton, and with her we made a delightful crab Rangoon”

So I turn to Madam and ask “so fried or steamed?”

“I like steamed.”

“Does that mean I’m limp and full of meat?”

This, dear readers, is why I love my friends….makes me giggle even now.

RenFaire Weekend 2

2011-04-20T15:32:00.000-07:00

A longer weekend, with the inclusion of school day, we got down there Thursday and I didn’t’ get home until 11:30ish Sunday night, Monday was not a fun day…can you say “dragging ass?”

Saturday was really hot, well, at least compared to the previous weekend…my guild managed to keep it together, but a bunch of people went down in the heat.

This weekend there was a rash of theft on site…some of the stuff I can see wanting to take (an expensive new hat, someone’s wallet) but other things (someone’s street shoes…CreepyKid’s hat) I can’t see. CreepyKid is unhappy because her hat had her hat BAND on it, which she wanted to put on her new hat that she’s yet to get. The old hat had large bites out of the brim, where the cats had chewed on it, but someone saw fit to take it. Some people’s kids, really! The disheartening part is that this was happening before the gates opened, which means someone is stealing from their own people. Honestly…why would you do this when you know that a) you’re going to be found out and b) when you’re found out you will be in legal trouble as well as black-balled from your chosen community.

Oh, and I managed to be the recipient of attention from two separate douchebags, you know...those that come to a battle of wits, unarmed.

All that aside….

The House went to see Hey Nunnie Nunnie which is very funny. Those Nuns work hard and gig when they’re not on their stage…I wish they were there for the whole run, but I guess it leaves people wanting more.

My personal funny this weekend had to do with the Puritans…Bacon Bit yanked a bible page out and handed it to Mary Milker…HOURS of comedy ensued as WE read it, OTHERS read it and then explained it to even more people.

Firstly, it said whoever removed the page from the bible would be damned, that means you, my goodly Puritan! Secondly, it had in large red font that the lord came quickly…which is great for our house because you don’t pay by the hour. On top of all that the word “man” was shown italicized for emphasis…so I assume it didn’t apply to women.

Oh, and yes, I did stick a bunch of money in my mouth…I paid off like a slot machine! Now..where are those hepatitis vaccinations?

RenFaire - School Day

2011-04-19T14:16:00.000-07:00

Had a blast on school day! There can be no whores on school day, even if they did exist, so the front porch was overtaken by the kitchen staff.

Cookie ensured we had enough interesting ingredients for us all to make interesting hand pies:

Assorted herbs and spices

Mushrooms of three interesting varieties

Aromatics - garlic, onions, leeks, etc.

Lard and butter (for two types of dough)

Eggs: chicken, duck and goose

AND THEN…THE MEAT

Fish: salted, smoked, and fresh

Oysters, pre-shucked

Whole, fresh-water shrimp

Duck, an entire duck to break down, head and feet still on

And heart…beef and lamb

Much to the delight of the passers-by the dough was made, ingredients prepared, cooking techniques discussed, herbs ground and sniffed, herbs crushed and smelled and those that came by at the end of the day could see the finished product as Edith gobbled it down along with the Taxman and Prudence.

Brown was stewarding for the day “Waste not, want not…” as the salt was spilled, flour scattered and spices ground for no purpose but for learning. In fact, Brown, as good as he is, was able to steward with his eyes shut for a while, while Cookie was filling pies.

When I could no longer help chopping I mended a skirt and gossiped with Prudence while she made cord.

I think it was a huge success and hopefully will aid in our continued request to maybe, possibly, potentially having a kitchen in the guild that does those types of demos.

What did I learn? Well…the heart is a muscle just like any other and tastes just like any other piece of meat, unlike the organs (liver, kidneys, etc.) I will remember this well, I must have heard it 100 times BUT, it was new to those who were hearing it for the first time! ;-)

Something to Think On….

2011-04-18T16:52:00.000-07:00

For all you girls who like to go commando at Faire. This foot was in a sock, in a shoe under two skirts and sitting on a porch for most of the day. What do you think your crevices look like if you’re not wearing panties?

RenFaire Weekend 1

2011-04-11T12:42:00.001-07:00

While I had a late start on Saturday, Sunday everyone was out on time…which was great. The Queen managed to get to Ives each day and entertainments and presentations were planned.

We had some (planned) rumors circulating, which was fun to hear how far they spread and most things went off hitch-free.

And in the “hurray for me section” everyone liked the fancy curtain that I bought for the window and it was hung masterfully by Constable Stocks.

We had a film crew on Sunday, not sure if, when and where that footage will see the light of day, but I signed my release.

I found out the name of the character one of my favorite people-who-don’t-know-I-exist is playing and some fun ensued with that piece of info, and now I have something historical to go look up…apparently am only happy when I’m looking up stuff…almost as though I’m perpetually a Scooby-Gang member from BtVS.

Some of the more funny moments:

Three lepers came to the house, they called us the Whore Hut and then started talking all about RuPaul’s Drag Race

The next day two nuns and two puritans were on the porch, discussing why women aren’t as bad as they would seem. Aaaaa-meeeen (no, woman)..Aaaaaa-womaaaaannnn.

There was an adorable little girl there, less than 2 wearing a huge gold wind up key on her back. A Puritan tried sneaking up and her and said “Jesu wants me to wind you up.”

Elsa gave the little girl her pearls to give to the Queen, then she jumped up and told QE1, “babies are bad for business.”

A goodly woman, the potter, was forced to step on the porch’s steps to retrieve someone’s cloak and Madam Amy broke poor Balthazar (the Mayor’s assistant) by telling him that she rules the house with an iron fist…and the iron fist costs extra.

Most of it you couldn’t script if you wanted to and much falls into the category of “you had to be there.” So my suggestion…come out…be there!

Why Creepy Lost Her Shit This Weekend

2011-04-11T10:09:00.001-07:00

Ah yes, if you saw me or my FB posts this weekend you know I had a complete melt-down. For someone with a family history of mental instability and certifiable lunacy you must realize this is a real fear for me, that I will completely lose it and wind up a vacant-eyed medicated zombie rocking back and forth in a white padded room; Knowing that and realizing just how quickly I can snap makes it all the more frightening.

That being said, I lost it on Friday night when I got in late (10:30 at night) to the Faire site and found my tent space occupied and my tent was set up in not only the wrong location, but specifically in a place it couldn’t permanently stay.

Let’s back up to earlier in the week to find out why this is the proverbial camel’s back-breaking straw……<wavy lines for remembering>…

Work is currently crappy

I work for a government contractor, and the government has no budget and is threatening to furlough its employees, of which I count as one. Now, most of the time people get back-pay to make up for the no-pay they receive during the furlough – however, as a contractor I only get paid for hours I support, so I get no back pay. So here I am looking at the potential of an indefinite period of time where I’m receiving no pay.

Sure, everyone is saying it’s just posturing and that there will be a budget by Monday or Tuesday….that doesn’t allay my fears – sorry….speculation is just that and the continued instruction on how to do an “orderly shut-down” and fact that turning on my laptop would constitute a federal office does nothing to promote a sense of job security.

On top of that, on Thursday I get a visit from my boss. I mean my actual BOSS, not my middle manager…I never see anyone…I was told if I do my job well, everything’s fine, I won’t see them. So what did I do wrong? I get ushered into a meeting room…a closed door meeting, ugh. Turns out that while I am a CCPM specialist it’s stepping on the project planning toes of the other contractor here – they’ve been given an opportunity to submit a proposal by 31 May to take over the singular position…my position. I was told that I might get a job offer from them, but they are a VERY small company….something around 10 people, which means the benefits and wages are likely not comparable. So regardless of furlough I may be out of a job.

Personal Life is currently not stellar

Now, let’s take a look at my personal life….

I’m currently living in a house I’m trying to arrange to be able to short-sell. I’m supporting myself and two other adults as well as a college bound child, a dog I don’t want and three destructive cats.

It’s not as though I don’t get any help at home, it’s just so much on my shoulders.

Add to that I have started to try dating, which is an additional stress that I wonder “Why am I doing that to myself?”

Faire – My Fun-Time Hobby

So there I am, tired, late at night, all of that shit piled on top of me…..

I had previously arranged a spot for my tent; it had even been announced at the Guild meeting on Sunday of last weekend. I specifically had told my Guild Master that I wanted a guaranteed space before I brought my stuff out because the year I had my stuff evicted from the storage space in the top of the house I littered the Bell’s back yard with my crap….it was unfair to everyone including me, because I have a long haul from my home and I need to put my belongings somewhere.

So there I am bringing in my tent, cots, sleeping bags, pillows, guild dishes my dishes costumes, CreepyKid’s costume box a cooler, ice, medicine chest, bag after bag of OTC meds and food, books and make-up….along with WoodTurnerD’s equipment and tools – only to find out that I don’t have a space, I’m in my Household’s back yard, where I specifically stated I COULDN’T be, I can’t stake down and I can’t put my stuff away because it’s all going to have to move tomorrow.

*SNAP*

That was it…I’d had it…( I was so angry I was actually shaking with rage). I don’t ask for much and I seem to get even less. So frustrating…so instead of lighting the offending other tent on fire with the occupants inside OR randomly stabbing through the nylon with a large, yet painfully blunt cooking knife, I passive-aggressively growled and stomped every time I had to walk by the tent. I also cried all night long…I had no other choice…um…because the other choices involved murdering other-tent occupants.

So, a night of no sleep, very angry me….

Add to that the architect of the town telling me there was plenty of room behind the building for me where I was. I finally told him that I’d have my head of household work it with him because I was done. I also had to not speak to anyone I normally eat breakfast with because I would’ve taken off a head or two…and that’s not good because it’ll always come back to bite you. Instead I ate dry oatmeal in the back of my house.

WoodTurnerD re-staked the snow-fence that was marking the Guild’s back area with a public through-way and we reset the tent there. (I had been told there wasn’t enough fence to move or stretch, but apparently I was misinformed.)

By the time we opened I’d had some calming potables and set up my belongings out of the way…however I was at least an hour late onto the stage. Bummer.

I managed to make everyone involved feel badly…which wasn’t my intent, I just wanted that piece of my life to go smoothly….I didn’t think it was too much to ask for, but apparently I was wrong. The tent-occupant I found was Constable Bottom and his wife, he apologized profusely, and said he would move. I had to tell him the truth, the spot is now tainted and nothing anyone could do now would change what had already been done. Best to put it behind us now that it’s all settled…and then we had a drink on it.

So, I guess I mean to say that I eventually got my shit together. ;-)

CreepyKid’s Birthday

2011-04-06T10:25:00.000-07:00

So CreepyKid managed to stretch her birthday out over the course of several weeks. Last weekend we did Porto’s cupcakes at Faire with her guild. She got brownies on her actual birthday at school and then dinner out to a local place.

Sunday we went to Pann’s for dinner, got ourselves a $5.00 milkshake and had a blast having a meal with the family….the loud family. It was a nice meal and a fast walk from my parent’s place, but I had my Bro drive since I didn’t want to walk in pumps.

Monday we played hooky, well, work new I was taking time off for the Kid’s birthday and they approve that message. We spent all day hanging out at Sis’ apartment, in fact CreepyKid spent two hours soaking in the tub and doing Sudoku puzzles.

There was dinner, PF Chang’s with Sis and NephewG, man we raised some Jewish kids, “Can I have the Chow Fun with chicken instead of beef, no leeks, and skinny Chow Mein noodles?” I was having a “When Harry Met Sally” moment.

Then skating at 8ish, we didn’t get there until 8:15 and we left shortly after 9…my knee hurt, Kid was tired…but it was good. I even gave her the small birthday present I got for her, a roller-skate charm for her charm bracelet.

Hope it’s a birthday worth remembering.

Final Weekend of Build

2011-04-06T10:18:00.001-07:00

It’s hectic, but the canvas on the fence is up…it’s about time…it’s nearly here folks….nothing left but makin’ memories at this point.

Alright, so this weekend I was a bit of a slacker, I have to admit. I left Saturday by 5 and Sunday at 4, but I had other, later commitments.

We managed to trim the house and it was being touched up when I left. The porch is painted and I hear the fancy chair may be gold leafed.

I got my costume approved but was told my pink was too pink so I’m toning it down with coffee. My sleeves are TOO blue…they, with my bloomers are getting a tea soak – or tan dye, not sure which.

So, I have my parking pass, my camping pass and my gate pass…I need to pay my household dues and my guild dues (for my privy pass).

Can’t wait to see you all out there!

The Mayonnaise Money-Shot

2011-03-29T10:16:00.001-07:00

Standing in the food line, looking to help I was asked “Hey, wanna marry these mayonnaise?” Sure, why not…so I grab the two plastic, squeeze bottles in question. Well, the best, fastest, most effective way I know to get to the bottom of a bottle’s contents is to seal it, hold it upside-down and swing that sucker in a circle (like you’re winding up for the pitch).

WELL….apparently I didn’t grab the bottle low enough, or the pop-up wasn’t raised as high as it has been, OR I grew since last week. I start my swing and CLICK, I clip the aluminum pop-up frame, open the mayonnaise and SPLOOGE, an arc of mayonnaise! I managed to get it on the ground, on Misty Flowers, William Hardigan and my favorite, the codpiece of a guy standing in line. Yes…leave it to me to spray mayo on a guy’s codpiece.

I rush to clean up…it was late in the day…everyone needed a laugh. Clean the codpiece, clean Misty’s black coat (It needs dry-cleaning) and clean up William’s clothes and chair. Next thing I hear “What..you’re out of tomatoes?”

My beloved kitchen head Elsa yells “You just got a front seat to the mayonnaise show, so shut up!”

The Melting Pot

2011-03-28T15:23:00.000-07:00

Dinner with the girls was planned for Saturday night, out of the three of us (ScaryGirl, TheCastleWitch and ToyKeeper’s Keeper), one couldn’t make it, but that’s alright, the idea is to see each other more often, so that’s what we will do! I had made dinner reservations for five and never whittled it down, but that turned out to be a blessing!

It was predicted to be an hour and forty minute drive from the Faire site to the Torrance Melting Pot, that meant, no time to drop off CreepyKid, so to dinner she went! That turned out to be about forty minutes too many…leaving time for a drink, which was very nice.

ScaryGirl showed up, we chatted, had a drink and waited for ToyKeeper’s Keeper…she brought along ToyKeeper! So great to see everyone and I was glad I maintained the reservation.

We had the most sourpuss waiter, we told him we didn’t yet know what we wanted, but there he stood. I made a crack to the busboy, the next time the waiter came by he was much friendlier. I know it sucks working with the public, but we were honest…too many choices. It was kinda’ funny too, vegetarians (no meat fondue), pregnant woman (is the cheese pasteurized) so I asked the table “Anyone lactose intolerant?” We were jovial, laughing and enjoying company…I think our next trip out will be Farrells!

I didn't get home until after 10 and then couldn't fall asleep. Luckily I made up for that by waking up early! :-/

Third Weekend of Faire (Pre-Faire Build)

2011-03-28T15:13:00.001-07:00

Well, I’m pretty tired today, Monday, trying to recover from the weekend. I didn’t sleep much, but that’s fine, no need for me to sleep, right?

I spent Friday night at home, washing my clothes for costume approval on Sunday. I didn’t get to bed until later than I should’ve as I had to get up at 4:30AM to leave by 5:00. I realize it’s only a 2 – 2.5 hr drive, but I often stop: grab a bite to eat on the road, stop in at the market for last-minute sunscreen or even a couple dozen doughnuts for the crew.

My clothes…well…the boning popped of the casing on my bodice, so I’m guessing this is its last year. It turned out we didn’t do costume approval so I’m just a little unhappy, if I’d had the time I would’ve hand-washed it in my tub. Bummer.

Saturday we got to site to find the new fence, which blocked our normal barbeque area – no worries, we set up on the sidewalk just outside the fence, we are problem solvers! The food line went well and I even managed to get in a class, a really good class “Shakespeare, and Insight.” Had a really good time, but ditched out for the guild meeting – which was in progress when I arrived *blush.* CreepyKid managed to get costume approval and all that she needs now is the sticker on her pass.

Sunday, sleep deprived though I was (late evening the night before), CreepKid and I dragged ourselves to Porto and bought birthday cupcakes (in celebration of her 17^th). I worked the food line, did NOT get to take classes and was told that next weekend, being the last weekend, we’d be painting, decorating, feeding the hungry AND getting costume approval. Nothing like waiting ‘til the Nth hour.

Sunday night I didn’t get home until about 8:30. I ended up running a few errands for BuffiMom and myself. I went to Michael’s for wig flowers and artificial birds, their yarn selection was craptacular; then to JoAnn’s for yarn, dye and apparently more flowers; finally PetsMart for BuffiMom’s starving dogs…I even got a picture, big eyed dogs with “feed me” on their lips. Honestly, they live better than *I* do! ;-) It was the fastest shopping run you’ve ever seen – 10 minutes to closing I got litter, wet and dry cat food and dry dog food. Whew! All the while I had my name tag from The Bell on, Lynda (Edith Coxgoode)…no wonder everyone was smiling!

2nd Weekend at Faire (PreFaire Build)

2011-03-22T12:53:00.001-07:00

Saturday was pretty benign; I took no classes but did help with lunch. CreepyKid came and left with WoodTurnerD as her guild wouldn’t be around on Sunday. I’m surprised they came at all, but classes need to be taken.

Sunday, however, rained and rained and rained. Classes had been cancelled the day before so only a few guilds were out; lunch was made for the small group of St Ivesians who were there and we hung out until about 2:00 when it was all water proofed and buttoned up.

Most of the buildings are complete – roofs on them and ready for painting and decorating. We’ve got some new buildings this year, not sure what that will mean in terms of getting porches or what – I guess that knowledge will come with time.

All I know is that we’re totally hard-core! Rock on Guild!! Oh, and yeah…I might be getting a cold. :-/

First Weekend at Faire (Pre-Faire Build)

2011-03-16T17:35:00.000-07:00

First things first, I really enjoyed seeing everyone, I miss people when I don’t see them but once a year. I try to think of it like a real season, Friend Season, when all the friends are readily available, when humor, smiles and camaraderie come cheaply.

I slung hash on Saturday and Sunday – I was far less help Sunday than on Saturday. Burgers are still going well, but CHILI burgers are wonderful when it’s cool out – which it was, slightly…a little….well, we were in the sun…not me though, I managed to stay in the shade. BTW – just so you know Fructise is only SPF 28 so I won’t be using that again [reaches for the trusty 100+SPF].

I took a class, which was decent and made me run out and buy a book. BIG YEA to Abebooks where I found the book plus shipping for a whopping $ 3.75. I’m looking forward to taking other classes and stretching both my brain and withering muscles.

I was amazed, most of our buildings are up, a couple seemed nearly done and we’ll probably be mostly finished next weekend (I think)…so plenty of time for paint and décor, which is something people want to focus on this year.

I gotta get my clothes together, I’m worried about what my cats may have done over the course of the year to the stuff inside…and what the mice might have done to the stuff outside. Good thing I was done with THAT wig last year.

This week, for next weekend, I’m making more snoods and washing the guild dishes I have. I bet you’re riveted and can’t wait to see what I say about next weekend.

Why I Hate Talking on the Phone

2011-03-15T16:39:00.000-07:00

For anyone who thinks I don’t like you because I don’t call, you are wrong. If you were a guy and I didn’t call you, or worse, told you I’d rather slit my wrists than call – it’s not because I didn’t think you were fantastic…it’s that f-ing phone.

For one thing, I already interrupt people when they talk, but the phone makes it so much worse. Are you done talking? Are you taking a dramatic pause? Have you died or need me to phone paramedics? I rely on body language to help me gauge where I can come in during the conversation, with the phone I get no such luxury. So I either will say nothing or railroad right over the top of you – which would you prefer?

Then there’s the lack of things to talk about. If I’m texting with you we might quip but the span time of hours back and forth could be done in five minutes of conversation. Do you want me to call, say what I have to say and then “BYE” click? Probably not, I just don’t have all that much information to exchange.

And last but not least, nearly every job I’ve held has been via phone, see table below. While my last job is way more meeting-riffic, I still do most of my work by phone and email.

Age	Job
16-19	Receptionist
18-25	Insurance Agent
25-27	Collections
27-28	Telemarketer
28-29	Call center clerk/agent
29-31	Secretary
31-present	Project Mgt Support

Why am I not sick of emails, texting and chatting on line? Because it doesn’t give me cauliflower ear and I can say “brb” instead and you can do other things while you wait.

In conclusion, it’s not you, it me….and my dislike of the phone. Sorry, it’s not likely to change, but if I call you can A) Be amazed I know how to use the phone and B) Look forward to a boring and likely short conversation.

Open Letter to SFV Starbucks

2011-02-24T12:58:00.001-08:00

Dear San Fernando Valley Starbucks:

Just because a cute girl that I purchased coffee for gives me a hug with a reach-around titty squeeze doesn’t mean that we’re a couple, or that I’m a lesbian. For Christ’s sake, that’s my sister!

But, thank you so much for your smile with my Venti double-sugar, extra caffeine and fat!

My Weekend

2011-02-22T18:17:00.001-08:00

I had a wonderful weekend, despite the car service bill and the heavy rain. After spending four hours at the local Starbucks (where both the WiFi and the coffee flow like wine) I received a car with all new belts and I got a clear conscious to drive anywhere I like without fear of breaking down in the back-woods.

Cousin H and I drove to the Valley on Friday, I spent the night at Sis’ place, she was away (as usual)…I really need to befriend her perpetual-partying neighbors. I was really excited when I pulled up to her place, I got an awesome parking spot, I didn’t notice it was in an ankle deep puddle…which I found…wearing sandals…and long-hemmed pants.

Saturday I went to a costuming class with Sis, yes I dragged her there with me – she had a good time (OR ELSE!). I was going to go out and grab some food with a friend I haven’t seen in eight years but have known since I was 11 or 12 –the rain cancelled the not-so-firm plans, but I did chat with him for a while and find out another friend of mine was on his FB page, I hadn’t seen her since I was 17ish…boy has SHE changed.

Sunday was Disneyland in Your Pajamas day, a well known and celebrated Disney day that I made up. I went to buy some special PJs just for the day, Sis made the mistake of letting my buy for her…yellow striped bottoms, yellow print top and a red long sleeve undershirt. I think I saw her wearing black so I had to buy her colors…LOTS of them.

It was cold but not rainy, we looked super cute and had a fun time at the big D. However, we noticed that Critter Country was closed…then Indy was closed…and the Jungle Cruise, it was like we were slowly being funneled to Tomorrowland.

We got a lame Jungle Cruise captain…he drawled everything like a vatto and sounded something like “Theese is faaamooosss Switerz faaaaalls named aftar the famous Albeeeer Faaaaalllsss” essay…I was waiting for him to tell us all about the sweet hydraulics he put on the boat.

Anyway, aside from the minor setbacks like my broken nail, Sis’ temporarily lost iPad, and the NASTY little girl I bumped on my way out. OMG…RUDE!! Aside of those things it was magical. We stayed for fireworks and even ran into some nice guys on our final ride of the night Space Mountain.

And for a long weekend it sure was short, I gotta’ win that lotto or sumthin’!

It IS a small world, after all

2011-02-18T12:28:00.001-08:00

It doesn’t help that I only travel/socialize in the Southern California area, but I must admit it disturbs me when I find out my parents are FB friends with my friend’s friends or I look up someone I knew in elementary school and find out she knows friends of mine. This last one though really got me…

I was trying to make distracting small talk with my Buffi-Mom and good friend E when I mentioned I went out on a lunch date with a guy named Nev. I described the lunch and the movie and was going on about how I wasn’t going to see him again when Buffi-Mom chimed in, “Did you say he lives in the AV?”

“Yes, in Palmdale”

“And he works in an Italian restaurant in the valley?”

“Yes, Bucca in Encino with my cousin.”

“Steer CLEAR of him…he was sleeping with my friend Patti AND her daughter at the same time several years ago.”

“IT WAS JUST LUNCH!!!!”

But yes, the fact that he was older than my father and had several grandkids really did turn me off – but this last piece of news will probably keep me out of the Encino Bucca for a good long time. Here’s to hoping he takes my hint of not asking him out again that he should lose my number.

I’m Gay, but Only With My Family (part 3)

2011-02-15T11:36:00.000-08:00

I would say this is the LAST one, but I doubt it!

Once again out with Sis, we pass a sex shop “near” her house and she decides we MUST go in – well, last time we tried it was closed for some private event. We go in and stare in amazement at the stuff buy and make and the SIZES it comes in – honestly I’m just not going to let someone come at me with the size of some of these things….I digress.

We come up to the masturbators, the ones that “look” like mouths and have “real feel” or whatever it is and Sis says, “I want to feel it!” Well, there’s a little dot of material on the OUTSIDE so you CAN feel it, and I tell her so. A little loudly she says “NO, I want to stick my finger in it and pull it out to see what it feels like!”

So a little bit loudly I say “I’ll buy you one and you can finger it all night long!” I’m not sure if the staff actually looked at us, but we WERE the only people in the shop.

We were giggling about my comment as we left the place, and I was relating my matress story to her when we opened the door to a wide-eyed man who was trying to come in and I looked down, oh yeah, Sis is wearing her rainbow arm warmers.

She’s my sister, I SWEAR!

I’m Gay, but Only With My Family (part 2)

2011-02-15T11:24:00.000-08:00

I’m out with Cousin H and she asks if we could go mattress shopping. Sure, why not, I know she wants a mattress instead of the bedroll she’s using and I could use a replacement for my xxx year old mattress too.

Marching into the mattress shop she hops onto a bed and was telling the sales person that she needed a twin size and was discussing materials, prices, etc. The gal hears something and goes to check her loading bay and I decide to climb up into the bed with Cousin H. She giggles and admits that she nearly put her arm around me, but decided not to, as we were in public. So I relate my Bath and Body works story to her.

We wander around climbing into one bed and another, chatting the whole time. I did notice we fit just fine side by side in a twin and marveled at the fact my family’s mostly pretty tiny. Anyway, the sales gal came back and I asked for the make/model of the memory foam mattress I liked best and an estimate for it in a full size.

“So you like this mattress better than that one?” She pointed at the pillow-top, spring mattress Cousin H wanted.

“Yes, I do, but this one’s for me and that’s for her.”

“So this one, not that one. And you wanted it in a twin?”

“No, a full,” she furrowed her brow and gave me a confused look and a light came on in my head. “OH, the twin is for her bed, the full is for mine, she’s my cousin.”

So we get the pricing information and it came up something-69…Cousin H said “That sounds like a great price for a bed,” the sales lady rolled her eyes. Hey, neither H nor I invented it…just sayin’.

I’m Gay, but Only With My Family (part 1)

2011-02-15T11:09:00.001-08:00

After my horrible trip into Hallmark at Christmas, my Sis and I ducked into Bath and Body Works where I nearly ran (literally) into their sales guy – I was walking with a narrowed focus and didn’t see him. He stopped me, looked into my “basket” and saw a set of products in “Oak” which is a man’s collection. He looked at me and offered his opinion as a sales-person and a man, “Oh, I don’t really like that scent, I prefer the other two.”

I looked at him and smiled “Oh, but I like them and they’re for me.” The look of confusion swept over his face, puzzled he said “Wow, I wear florals and fruit scents, whatever I feel like in the morning, but I’ve NEVER had a girl buy those men’s products.”

He stopped me twice more in the store, the last time he said “I still can’t believe that you wear those…amazing.”

So I couldn’t help myself, “Guys will sidle up to me and say ‘wow, you smell really good.’ And I say,” and I put my arm around Sis’ shoulders, “Yeah, like a man, right??” He smiled, blushed and walked away. It was a much better finish to my shopping trip.

And so I went to the mall

2010-12-22T07:44:00.001-08:00

Sis and I went to the mall on Saturday, I’m not sure it’s how she wanted to spend her time, but she drove and walked and shopped with the best of them. We went to the mall local to her, SF Valley, while the parking lot was packed, the mall crowd wasn’t so bad – not like the DelAmo Mall in ’95….waaaaay back then nickels had pictures of bees and we’d say “five bees for a quarter,” and that was the largest mall in the United States, but I digress.

This story is my first, first-hand experience with anti-homosexual treatment. I know, it’s a shocker, at this late stage of life that it would be my first time, but what can I say, as a hetero woman it’s not something I’ve had to worry about. I didn’t realize just how accepting my family was until I was a young adult; my parents couldn’t have cared less about someone’s sexual preference, my Grandmother always said things like “the heart wants what it wants, and you can’t help what the heart wants,” and so consequently I figured everyone felt the same way, accepting. Can’t believe I live my life floating around in that little bubble.

So, there we were shopping in Hallmark, I’m looking for an ornament for CreepyKid, something specific and then just perusing the rest of the goods that they might have to offer. I asked Sis to hold onto all the ornament boxes I had while I tried out some wind-up toys, which was great, I’m not sure why I enjoy them so much, but I do…it’s good to be me, so easily amused.

We end up moseying to the register and waiting in line, she starts looking at the impulse items and I’m standing in line. My turn comes up “Sweetie, bring those here,” and she brings my ornaments to the cashier. The cashier, who had previously been smiling at me, immediately looked like she smelled something. You know the face, turned down smile, flared nostrils and I thought – WTF? Really? It’s Christmas, a time of good cheer….for just about EVERYONE! I’m spending my dollars in your store! I’m buying gifts for my loved ones! And you….YOU…are going to spoil that by making that face, passing your judgment on me, honestly!

So, it nearly harshed my buzz for the whole day, but we went to Bath and Body Works right after that and had a splendid time with their sales-guy!

Tea Party

2010-12-17T11:25:00.000-08:00

Yes, I went to a tea party a few weekends ago at the Scarlet Tea Room. I wore my best black dress, tallest black boots and even my fancy hat; the hat was something special, wooden and made to order – awesome!

So there I was, doing my gothy best to look like polite society, napkin in my lap…and of course the waiter asks “what would you like to drink?” Oh how about a lemon drop, sure it’s only 11:30, but it’s 5:00 somewhere! Yeah, it doesn’t take much to tip off me off to those around me that I’m really blue‑collar (regardless of my family’s professions). Yup, I’ll look very proper and genteel, then I’ll open my mouth “Come on Dovah, move your bloomin’ arse!”

We ate, drank, were merry – I lost track of the time, we were there until after 2PM, it was a wonderful time with some gals from CalHauntS. We’re hoping to do this again sometime, but as I’ve yet to see an invitation, I guess I better get my rear in gear.

What Happens When You Pack Everything But Your Brain

2010-12-13T11:58:00.000-08:00

Otherwise Titled "Stupid Shit I Did While Out of Town"

So, I went to Dickens Faire, it was great, but I’ll give my full opinion later, in another post. This post is specifically to touch on the stupid things I did while away. I’m not sure if it’s just any type of traveling that does this to me, I end up not sleeping or not sleeping well, whatever the case I’m sure to do some stupid crap – so, here it goes!

Burned Myself

So there’s a coffee pot in the room, I decide I’m going to make coffee (so far so good). I even remembered to get hot chocolate with breakfast so I can make it palatable. Flash forward to later, coffee is made, I pull the pot from the machine and think “self, why don’t you turn off the coffee maker so it doesn’t short out or start a fire, that’s the responsible thing to do,” so I turn it off. Yeah, I press the off button, but it’s one of those that you have to click over really hard, so to get the appropriate leverage I put my hand down on the machine…yeah…left hand ring, middle and index finger down on the hot plate. I actually heard a sizzle before I yanked my hand away as though I knew I couldn’t POSSIBLY have stuck my hand on that, so I shouldn’t be worried, that was some other fool. OK, a dash to the bathroom sink for cold water and BEHOLD, icy water from the night before…so I spent a good 30 minutes with my hand in a bucket, until the residual burning feeling stopped. Luckily I had already done all my showering and shaving….

Shaving

So I decided that I’m going to make sure I’m all clean and spruced for going off to London (found out later it wouldn’t have mattered how great I was when I left my room, it was sweltering in that friggin’ poly-costume – ugh! I digress..so I put a brand new blade in my razor…and was shaving…and shaving…and shaving and yet no hair removal was going on. Hmmm…so I stared at the razor, it was clean…I’m sure I looked like I monkey trying to figure it out…look at it, shave, look at it, the water, shave…nothing. Oh yeah, put the blade in upside down. FANTASTIC! Put in a new one and it worked like a charm.

Costume Dysfunction

And this is why I like to try everything out at least once but I hadn’t had the opportunity. So, my hoop skirt fits great when I’m au natural – with my corset on it is way too big. So I safety pin the one side, but it causes the other side to droop – thought I fixed it…I didn’t…my tulle hung out below the hemline of my dress. This is both tacky AND dangerous as I kept stepping on it. Luckily someone in the ladies room pinned up the front and I finally stomped on the back to make a hole and ripped the offending fabric off with my hands and teeth.

Locked Myself Out

So, I was exhausted from the day and the not sleeping the night before – I got to my room and managed to change myself. Of course my feet were sore from the shoes but I managed to hobble back and forth to the lobby to ask someone to unzip me. I slipped into something a little more comfortable and then thought, I’m going to put my room service tray outside BEFORE I take a bath and relax.

So, I put the tray outside, it’s not right, just a little farther push – blast it, it should be HERE *click* CRAP, in order to put it along side my wall I had to step completely outside of my room. A quick call to the lobby produced a front desk gal with two all access keys. As she’s trying to open my door “Do you have any I.D.?” It’s ALL in the room, open the room and I’ll show you. “What’s your full name?” Really? I mean, really? Fine….

Then, lo and behold, neither key works…we have to call for Willy, the maintenance guy and he’s really busy with a wallpaper project on the far side of the lobby. So, there, I waited 20 minutes for Wallpaperin’ Willy to come open my room, finally I was inside.

AA Batteries

Well, let’s just say I always assume that my hotel will be within decent walking distance to a facility where I could get a few sundries…it wasn’t and their stupid, little shop didn’t have them either. Frustrations galore!

Interestingly all this happened to me on Saturday, which was my most sleep deprived day of my trip.

What to Wear to the Faire?

2010-12-09T14:56:00.001-08:00

Got my costume lined up for Dickens Faire, I don’t own anything that’s appropriate. Yes, I COULD wear my Klingon gear, but that is so SoCal Pleasure Faire! I went to a local rental place, Daisy’s, it’s an independently owned costumer’s and she’s so fun to be around, plus she’s from England so she’s got an AWESOME accent.

I realized that when I walked in I was likely to NOT get something that was approvable for a participant, but I was going the extra mile of not going with my usual “goth” look nor my boring jeans and novelty t-shirt. I did, however, decide to go local since my jab at a place in the SF Valley area tried to pass off their “Titanic” line first, then their “Elizabethan” stuff and finally when I told them that neither of those were the right era I was shown their “Victorian” line. Yes, I could’ve dealt with the Velcro closure, but I couldn’t abide the sequins…REALLY? Yes! Yes, sequins…didn’t realize what a costume snob I was becoming. ANYWAY…I turned down her shiny poly riding outfit and finally she admitted that people renting costumes generally don’t want the big-butt look that the correct period gives you. <eye roll>

So, back to Daisy’s….I figured since she sews most of what’s in there herself I would at least get a decent garment even if it wasn’t quite right. I let her know I was looking for Victorian, ala a Christmas Carol…so how about a caroling outfit? She whips out this plaid dress…it was cute…it was definitely from the 70’s, but I would deal…I mean really, who’s going to call me out….ok ALL of you…but you don’t know Daisy! So, she was pulling out cloaks and bonnets and then she said, “Where did you say you were wearing this?”

“Oh, to the Dickens Faire in San Francisco,” and I smiled excitedly.

“TAKE THAT OFF! That just won’t do! That dress is fine if you’re going caroling at the mall, but some those people have been working on their outfits for over 10 years!”

She showed me a bonnet and cape, red and green plaid, “I’ll make you a dress that’s either red or green to go with these, see you on Friday!”

Fan-tas-tic! She will have everything I need, sure it’ll zip up the back and sure it’ll have metallic gold braid trim…but it will have been sewn with love and speed, maybe not JUST for me, but I get to be the first person to take that dress out for a spin!

I Went on a Date

2010-12-06T14:50:00.001-08:00

Definition for Date: going out somewhere in public with a person who will pay for my day/evening’s entertainment and/or meal and knowing very well I will never sleep with that person.

If that’s not Webster’s definition it appears to have been mine, I’ve only been on three dates in my life, three different men. Don’t even start digging into how I could’ve been married and yet not dated – therein is the difference between “dating” and “going out.” You think it’s semantics but it’s not.

As my usual men-related strategy hasn’t been working, well, really, ever, I decided to go out with anyone who asks. Who asked? Someone who works with my cousin at Buca. As I had already decided that I’d go out with anyone AND it gave me an opportunity to practice going out in public I said “yes.”

Much like going on job interviews just for the practice, I figured I would take this time to practice things like not chewing with my mouth open, using my napkin and making conversation that didn’t start out with “so I was on the toilet yesterday…”

We met for brunch, we went to Olive Garden, look, it was close and the thought he worked for an Italian place didn’t even cross my mind until long after the fact. We went to the movies, my choice, Harry Potter 7, as he didn’t seem the nerdy type I’m sure he thought I was 14 or something, but oh well, this is what comes of letting me choose and not knowing me very well.

It was pleasant, but I’m sure that we’ll not go out again. He did violate my “must not have children” rule and the “not if he’s my father’s age or older” rule which overrides. “I have two grown, married daughters in Turkey, a son who’s a dentist…” also, grandchildren *shudder.* And don’t give me that I’ve got a double standard, having a kid myself….or knowing that my mother was a grandmother at 39…I mean you COULD give me that…but I’d ignore it, sorry, it’s just my way.

At least he was gentlemanly, though he didn’t open my car door (boo) he didn’t try to swoop in for a kiss - I would've had to duck and that would have really revealed that I was 14.

Do I Have to ALWAYS Learn the Hard Way?

2010-11-29T10:16:00.001-08:00

The short answer is yes, yes I do. I don’t generally believe printed warnings and because of me my employer’s handbook had to be amended. I went to brunch with a friend, I confessed I once used a straw in a hot beverage and found out first hand why you aren’t supposed to do that. A look crossed her face, it could’ve been pity, it also could’ve been one of those “I know you’re not stupid, so why did you do that?” I then told her “you know, I also found out why you don’t push a big trash bin with the lid open. Do you know why?”

So there I was, in my yard putting cut grass into our green waste bin – it was a push mower with no catcher so I was raking and “shoveling” into the bin. With all that work why would I want to close the bin to simply walk it several steps up to reopen it for grass-shoveling – I know, I leave it open! Yes, there is a warning on the can, but why would I heed that?

With the lid open, I did what I normally do, tip the can back and roll forward – I promptly threw myself away. Yes, with the lid open and the can tipped back the lid dangles, swaying gently by your feet, then you step on it, which tips the whole can backward and BLAMO, you go headfirst inside; this is exactly what happened to me. Dry grass all over me, had to pick it all up again and there wasn’t even anyone to witness and then laugh at me!

Please make with the laughing now, cuz that shit’s funny!

Dramatic reenactment rendered in paint

What I Want for Christmas

2010-11-28T11:20:00.000-08:00

I really want to learn how to throw a good punch, the kind that might break my hand, but in a very satisfying, oh-my-God-I-can’t-believe-he’s-out-cold, kinda’ way. I’m not going to get into the “you know that’s assault” talk, because if I throw a punch you can damn well bet that I need to do it, hang the consequences…besides CreepyKid is very nearly an adult.

I learned pacifism from my father, it’s served me well, I am generally likeable and can usually talk my way out of a sticky situation. It’s due to him I have my spin-doctoring skills and have never needed to know how to throw a punch.

I learned passive-aggression from CreepyMom and AuntMom, they are the queens of this with heavy usage of guilt. As a result I have created a resistance to guilt, even Jewish guilt which is the strongest! This has also served me well and I have ninja like skill with guilt and teasing.

Coupled the guilt and the verbal skills have created the one-two punch of persuasion, which makes me a very dangerous, silver-tongued combatant, as long as we’re word sparring. I am not in the best of practice, but with just a little my skill is honed.

However, I would like to be able to defend my own honor with a nice jab to the eye socket. This is where my Uncle comes in, he taught his kids how to protect themselves with both offensive and defensive maneuvers – this is what I want. I can’t think of a better present than to be able to protect and defend myself with my favorite move, which is a strike of forehead against nose…this is all I have in my arsenal and I can thank my Grandfather for it…my strong Irish skull.

Today at Work

2010-11-18T12:23:00.000-08:00

We were shown a spreadsheet that would help maintain some metrics based information until we get the software (which will do just that) up and running – so about two months. The meeting went something like this:

Behold our amazing new Excel workbook, color coded for Projects that are in progress, preparing to start and not started/on hold. The thing is full of formulas to make all the important calculations easy, it’s not locked in any way so we will have to trust the twenty-five people this will go to, to NOT change anything. Those twenty-five folks will fill it out and send it to one person who will compile everything into one spreadsheet – which should be as easy as cutting and pasting. We will then have our on-going metrics regarding multi-tasking.

“Um, can we lock the cells so things can’t be altered?”
“No, if we lock the cells they won’t be able to populate the sheet AND have it calculate correctly.”

“Well, I know if I got this the first thing I would do is add and delete columns, so can we add more columns for people to doodle in? If we don’t they’re just going to add them in themselves”
“Sure,” additional twelve columns added.

“Can we make the blue cells aqua?”
“Can we add a pattern to that?”
“Can we change the font size/style/color?”

Great, it looks like a bunch of clowns vomited on my Excel program THANKS!

The sad thing is that this is NOT the first time I’ve run into this. A spreadsheet was sent out with three simple color codes: Yellow fill (need training), Yellow Fill with Red Font (Need training this day), Green with black font (took training this day). Then each of the dozen groups would slightly alter it “I don’t like that shade of green,” “we changed the green to blue because we like it better,” “I decided to make my own color codes, the legend is on the second page of the workbook.” Ugh, people, can’t live with them, can’t randomly bash them in the head for their stupidity.

Catching Up

2010-11-17T14:27:00.001-08:00

Well, where to start. For those who had been following me before, here’s some catching up for you…for those who hadn’t, think of it as an intro.

TheCreepyKid: is 16 now and is learning to drive, she’s a senior in high school and should have her AA completed by the end of Spring. She’s applying to several California colleges, but she’s hoping to get into Loyola Marymount.

WoodTurnerD: I broke it off with him earlier this month after originally breaking up in July. Unfortunately he’s currently out of work, so he’ll be staying for a little while, but he’s still turning beautiful wood pieces.

CousinH: she’s still living with me, helping me around the house (which is awesome) and getting her life back on track.

Me, CreepyGirl: well, I bought a house, which I’d love to sell but can’t right now or I’d take a flippin’ bath. I’m still working at the same place I had been, but moved to another area, which was great because I was six months away from walking away from it all and flipping hamburgers at Mickey D’s.

Halloween was grand, got to haunt ToyKeeper’s place again after a one year hiatus. I still work the RenFaire and am going to a guild meeting soon.

The holidays are up and coming, which means my stress level is sure to gear up shortly and not come down until February.

So I’m older, potentially wiser and still just as mouthy as I was on my last blog space.

Time for a Fresh Start

2010-11-16T16:03:00.001-08:00

For a blog that is, I was regularly blogging about the day-to-day goings on in my life about six years ago. I was unable to blog, also known as unable to blog from work and being busy during my “off hours,” I think my last posting was over six months ago.

Anyway, need a place to vent ~ here it is…that way if you know me in real-life, or FB or anything like that you DON'T have to hear it...or if you enjoy reading it...um...you can hear it several times.